Coping With Christmas

Coping With Christmas

 

The holiday season is upon us and it’s time again to take part in fun filled festivities, eat turkey, fill our houses with lights and decorations and eagerly listen for the sound of sleigh bells announcing the arrival of Santa with exciting presents. Family and friends gather and share joy and happiness to one and all and we make our way to the atmospheric carol service where we celebrate in the Christian heritage of this wonderful time of year. The lights and commotion all get too much, the noise is deafening, the chores and pressure to all encompassing and all routine is destroyed…

The excitement and expectations of a perfect Christmas can be a challenge for those affected by autism. For me there are parts of the holiday season I really love, but others that are a minefield. So what can we do to make Christmas ho ho ho, rather than ho ho NO!?

In this post I’d like to share with you a few strategies I have found helpful. I hope that if you or your child struggles over Christmas then you might find some of these helpful and enjoy reading this post. You may have tips that you have found helpful to you that I’ve not thought of so please feel welcome to add these to the comments section.

Make a plan

Regardless of how or if we celebrate Christmas ourselves, it is likely that it will have an impact on our usual routines. Work schedules are likely to change (in my case my office closes for a whole two weeks), schools break, shops have different opening hours, clubs and support networks often break. As someone who lives by my routines this is challenging so I try and plan ahead as much as possible.

What is key for me is plotting out what is happening and when in a format that’s very easy to see. I use a page per day diary but in the past have used a wall chart. Whatever works best for you is fine as we all have our own ways of making sense of information.

Being able to clearly see where my commitments are in advance helps me to adjust to changes in routine over the holidays.

Set a budget

Christmas is an expensive time. Everything from stocking up the fridge with goodies, buying presents for loved ones, travelling to see family, parties and social commitments can send the budget sky-high.

It is a good idea to set a clear budget before wild spending on credit. How much do you want to spend on each person’s presents etc, can you afford to attend both of the Christmas parties you’ve been invited to? Planning ahead can save the stressful and expensive bill from arriving come the New Year.

Make your OWN traditions

It is often easy to get weighed down with following what you think you ‘should’ be doing over Christmas. Just because you ‘always’ go to that Christmas market doesn’t mean you ‘have to’ do it. Christmas can work around you and your needs and it is fun making your own traditions tailored to you. Get creative and think of little things you can do that might make the season all the more fun and personal for you and your family.

Growing up we had some great little traditions in our household. My favourite was on Christmas Eve. I had a Christmas Pillowcase that needed to be left on my bed for the elves to collect. I’d take great care decorating it and leave it out ready. Without fail it would vanish and in the morning it would have reappeared in the lounge filled with presents. I knew from an early age that it was most likely my parents removing the pillow case, but they insisted they wouldn’t confess to anything until I was 18. Each year my attempts to catch them in the act got more and more elaborate, but they always managed to remove the case without me catching them. This game of cat and mouse actually served a really good role at distracting me and keeping me occupied while mum set about the laborious task of preparing the meal for the following day and getting the house ready for visitors.

What traditions do you have?

Make decorating an event

As someone who doesn’t like change, returning home to find a random tree in the lounge would be a bit much for me! In our house decorating was a family event. We would all be involved in placing the decorations and I often spent time making decorations for the tree. This involvement helped me adjust to the changes and helped build excitement rather than fear of the commotion of the season.

My favourite activity was always building the gingerbread house and nativity scene we would place in the shrank. It had a full set of sugar figurines. Every year I pleaded with mum to let me eat one. I was never allowed, but they had been in use since the 70s so may not have been that tasty!

Get some exercise

With the cold days and long dark nights it can be very easy to spend the whole holiday wrapped up warm inside. I always find it helpful to get exercise and importantly, fresh air. Perhaps you can head out on a walk around the neighbourhood to see the Christmas lights, go hunting for pine cones to get crafty and turn into decorations or avoid the traffic by walking to the shops.

Set aside a quiet sanctuary

With all the noise and excitement I find it very helpful to set aside a quiet place to escape to if it all gets too much. Being able to take a time out from the celebrations to relax and recharge can help so much and is something I’d recommend to anyone.

Know your socialising limits

Christmas is one of the times of the year when the much sought after social invites come in thick and fast. Work Christmas Parties, Family Gatherings, Clubs Christmas Socials…

It is easy to say yes to everything and for me I can get overwhelmed faster than I realise. I try and set limits to how much I engage in these parties. So often I can get carried along with the flow and find I’ve over done it and I’m at capacity. There is a fine line between having a great evening and becoming exhausted and having a bad time. Know your limits and hopefully you’ll have a great time.

Take time to get back into routines after Christmas

 

Whatever your feelings about Christmas, It’s all over fast and everything returns to normal. If there have been major disruptions to your routine it’s good to return to your usual routine as smoothly as possible. Try and plan ahead if you can. For example if you need to get up for work or school early then give yourself a few fays to readjust rather than suddenly switching your wake up call from 11am to 7am.

I hope you've found this of interest. I'd love to hear what you enjoy most about Christmas and how you overcome the challenges you may find with this time of year. Feel free to let me know via the comments or Facebook. Merry Christmas to you all!

Thoughts This Thanksgiving

Like most of my fellow Brits, Thanksgiving comes and goes each November with barely anyone even being aware of the feasts and celebrations happening over the great Atlantic Ocean. It is just another wet and drizzly November day, like all the others. This year I decided to take part myself, but first I better find out what it’s all about…

My knowledge of Thanksgiving is it involves giving thanks and food, lots of food. Turkey, marshmallows, sweet potatoes, marshmallows, pumpkin pie and more marshmallows. According to a quick check on Google, this appears to be accurate. Food is definitely something that I can definitely get involved in but it was the ‘giving thanks’ part that particularly interested me. This got me thinking about what I’m thankful for, so this week I’ll be dedicating my post to my wonderful parents.

My parents are always there for me and I don’t take the time to thank them for all they do for me anywhere near enough. They have always been my biggest supporters, advocates, inspiration and friends. They are the first on the scene when things go wrong and get the brunt of the worst days. I know what a strain and challenge this must be for them and although at the time it might not seem so, I hope they know how much I really appreciate them for all they do.

The last few months have been particularly difficult. A severe dip in my health and a number of troubling bureaucratic hurdles blocking access to support have resulted in me needing to move home to be able to access better support. Mum and Dad have stepped in and helped the best they can to make the move run smoothly. As I type away Dad is down at the hospital trying to get a follow-up appointment arranged following a rather nasty episode last week. When even getting a hospital appointment is as unnecessarily stressful and complicated as it is, their help has been a lifesaver.

Aside from the support when things aren’t going so well I wanted to mention something that my parents have always done that as a child I never fully appreciated but for which I’m particularly thankful for – encouraging my hobbies and interests. They didn’t just show an interest in what I was into at the time, but they’d get involved themselves. This helped me achieve so much, build my confidence a create so many happy memories.

I’ve talked in previous posts about my interest in fungi. I will always have fond memories of walks in the forest with my dad searching for a rare find together, or crawling through the undergrowth to get the best photo. When I developed an interest in travel there was always an opportunity to travel somewhere new together. I can always say I conquered all of the compass points of the UK with my dad. Travelling all the way to Muckle Flugga, the UK’s northernmost outpost was great fun for me, but to share it with my dad made is so much more special. Mum has an amazing creative side to her and this was always an opportunity for some family bonding too. Growing up there was always something to do, from baking, building dens with sofa cushions to lego towers reaching the ceiling. There was always something creative to get involved in.

So this Thanksgiving I think it is a perfect time to say thank you for being the most caring, generous and wonderful parents anyone could ask for.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post and I’d love to hear from you about what you are doing for thanksgiving and share your stories.

The day my parents wanted to try on a new pair of shoes...

well I guess it was easier to join in rather than get me to sit normally...

During my 'world domination' phase...

This didn't last long, and I'm not sure Simon Cowell would have been impressed...

I guess building a sandcastle on a pebble beach in February was never going to be a winner... although the red boot / balaclava combo definitely is - bravo on the style choice mum & dad!

Loving life with my spacehopper - the best form of transport ever invented!

So as not to feel left out, here is the whole family with my amazing sisters. (I'm the bald dribbly one in the middle)

Fanatical about Fungi

‘Look! Look! LOOK!’ I shrieked at my friend Marq. ‘A Clathrus Ruber!’, ‘LOOK!’

I hopped around excitably while pointing at a mass of red mushroom emerging from the undergrowth like an alien egg. Flies buzzed in the putrid miasma emitting from this strange form.

What we had stumbled upon on our quiet walk was a rare fungus not often seen in the UK. This startling form emits a smell of rotting flesh to attract flies to disperse it’s spores. I was VERY excited. Marq just looked at me and said ‘wonderful’ as every true friend should say in this situation. The expression on his face however suggested he felt this was rather less than wonderful. Still my enthusiasm wasn’t curbed and my interest in fungi had been truly reignited.

This interest dates back to early childhood. Like most children on the spectrum I developed intense and obsessive interests. Questions often pop up on the forums from parents asking how they can get their child to be less obsessive and develop more mainstream interests; my parents just went along with it. I had been developing a slightly odd interest in drain pipes, probably because the book I was currently reading involved a boogy-man who lived in the sewers. The upgrade of my attentions from sewers to fungi was probably gladly welcomed.

It all started one late summer afternoon when I found a group of brightly coloured mushrooms growing near my Grandma’s house. Being at the ‘what’s that?’ age my dad decided to buy me an identification book so I could figure out for myself what they were. The book was vast, hundreds of pages filled with pictures of fungi, listing their Latin names and various identification details ranging from size, habitat, spore colour and shape to technical biological and chemical factors.

If you are not wanting to promote an obsession in an autistic child – DON’T buy them a scientific manual at the age of 5!  I quickly decided that I needed to find ALL of the fungi.

My long suffering parents took an approach to my interests that I only fully appreciate now I’m an adult – they got involved and made it a family and fun time. The interest in fungi allowed for some great walks out in the forest; Dad trailing behind as I bounced about through the undergrowth. We had art sessions involving taking spore prints and sculpting play-dough fungi, and forming some great memories. It’s clear looking back that my rigidity as a child could be loosened if there was a link to what ever interests I had at the time and if I could see a point to it. I remember my mum wanting to go to a Country House for a day trip. I was more than happy, I’d been told there were gardens that might contain fungi! I have very fond memories of the trips and adventures we got up to as a family.

I quickly learned how to identify my finds and was able to identify many of the tasty edibles and know which to avoid. I was never overly concerned about eating my finds, I actually don’t like the taste of mushrooms at all and the regular shop-style mushrooms are ones I always found fairly dull (they are just plain looking white things after all) but a clear memory I have was being told not to touch one as it was poisonous. I was rather aghast by this clear ignorance of my expert knowledge and proceeded to educate this ignoramus of the clear difference between this Agaricus Bisporus and it’s poisonous cousin the Agaricus Xanthodermus. This was my teacher and I was 7….

As an adult I’ve learned to tone things down and my interest is reserved for occasional walks in the forest. I regularly get people bringing their finds to me at work to find if it’s a tasty treat. Often it’s not, but it’s still a great ice breaker and makes some interesting coffee time chat.

One of the species I’d longed to see as a child was the Common Earthstar. Starting life like the well known puffball, this round fungus emerges and quickly cracks open into a star shape. The arms of the star fold down and majestically lift the spore-bearing ball away from the ground. It was so different looking that I circled it in the book with my crayon and spent the next 25 years searching for one. Despite being supposedly common it stayed hidden from my sight.

Last weekend I decided to have an old fashioned Father-Son day out in the woods to mark the start of this year’s fungus season. We chose Crab Wood, one of our regular spots as a child. To our amazement the first find of the day was the earthstar we’d spend all these years searching for. Sitting proudly in clear sight by the main path, there she was in all her glory, welcoming us to the woods and inviting us in for another fun day foraging.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about my story. I’d love to hear your stories of how you enjoy your interests or your child’s interests. I’d especially love to hear from you if you’ve found a way of combining your interests with employment.

8 Summer Survival Tips

Summer is a time of year I love. The sun, the beach, getting outdoors, BBQs, all great fun, but for many this is one of the most challenging times of the year. For us aspies change is a big deal, but someone forgot to tell Mother Nature and she's decided it's time to heat the Northern Hemisphere up again for another few months...

Schools close down, my regular support networks go into 'summer mode' - regular meetings stop and sensory issues take on a whole new dimension.

Growing up I found school so traumatic that the prospect of 6 weeks off excited me no end, but I'm sure my parents dreaded this! Even though I enjoy summer I still get affected by the disruption.

In this post I'd like to share the top 8 things I've found that have helped me make the most of the summer months. I hope you enjoy reading this and if this is an area you or your child struggles with then I do hope it is helpful or gives some ideas you might be able to try.

1.  Make a plan

BBQ invites, pool party, summer club, family visits, friends out of town, is quiz night still happening? What's going on?!

How do I co-ordinate the ad-hoc randomness that is summer? I plan. I plan everything. Neat, orderly and visual is how I roll, so for me making sense of summer involves a plan too.

I have both a wall planner to plot my weekly schedule and a page a day diary to track what I intend to do. It's colour coded and very visual. I can instantly see what is and more importantly what isn't happening. Now I work full time it is far easier to keep routines going but over my school days having a visual chart made it easier to see what was happening. 1 week at home, 1 week at Granddad's, 1 week back home etc. It may sound overkill to plan in such detail, but a simple change in my regular routine can cause me huge confusion if I'm not careful. If I'm used to attending club on a Wednesday evening but it's not on during August, then I default to being confused every Wednesday in August. It's far easier to plan advance what I'll do during that time so I don't go into a spin over it later.

2.  Have a sleep routine

I don't sleep well EVER. Summer is worse. I barely sleep AT ALL! OK, so this may be an exaggeration but tiredness features very large in summer for me. My sensory issues mean I struggle with the heat, the light and the sound. If it's too hot, I won't sleep, if it's too bright I won't sleep, if it's too loud... you get the picture.

So here in the UK heat is a relative thing. I'm too hot today and it's 20C (68F) - I've just had a message from a friend in the USA, it's 40C (106F) there. I should quit my complaining and move to Greenland! It does however mean that I have a very low tolerance to heat when it comes to sleeping, the bedroom must be cool!

This far north the issue of light also causes problems. It gets dark at about 10:30pm and light again at 4am. I have a thick blanket I drape over the blinds to keep the light out, otherwise I'm wide awake very early! Of course this unhelpfully keeps the room nice and toasty.

Noise might not seem a particularly summer issue but here's the problem. In the winter my window is shut and everyone is inside, nice and quiet. In the summer the opposite is true. Saturday night I had the pleasure of listening to a neighbours party roll on until 4am, it wasn't a crazy party, but enough to stop me settling.

I live in a crowded British town, so until I win the lottery and move to an isolated cottage in Svalbard I have to prepare for sleep in advance. Making sure to keep the room cool, earplugs at hand, no caffeine after noon and if all else fails a cup of warm milk and a nice book.

3.  Know your limits

It's so easy to take on too much in the summer. I find it hard to sit indoors when the sun is out. Britain is famous for it's rain, it's true it rains any when and everywhere. If it's sunny it could last an hour or a week, but there's no guarantee. So many times the sun comes out, you plan a beach trip for tomorrow, by then it's cold and rainy. I have a tendency to end up doing too much and forgetting the importance of resting and having days off. I make a point of planning 'Do Nothing' days in my diary to make sure I get to recharge.

4. Keep hydrated

I think everyone gets a bit moody when they're a bit dehydrated, but it's especially important for me as getting a bit moody makes me less likely to spot and deal with meltdowns. Meltdowns can cause my body temperature to soar and have seriously dehydrated myself this way in the past. I have water at hand everywhere I go and make sure I keep drinking regularly even if I don't recognise I need it.

5. Sun screen, sun screen and more sun screen

The lobster look isn't great and we all know the dangers of sunburn. The problem is applying the lotion. I don't like the feel of it and I don't especially like being touched so getting someone to rub it in is a pain. What's more of a pain though is dealing with the sleep problems when I've turned into a 6foot blister on legs. I think the sensory issue of yucky lotion is better than skin cancer. I tell myself each year that I'll learn this issue; I say as I type away with sunburn yet again.

6. Earplugs

Earplugs? Yes earplugs are on my summer survival list. People get loud in summer, windows get opened, music gets played. I want quiet. Easiest solution is to put in earplugs. If I'm out I'll substitute these for headphones. They don't have to be connected to anything, they can simply muffle the noise enough for me to enjoy the beach or park or wherever I am. I think my parents might have liked this approach when I was a child too. Seeing someone with headphones on is a great visual clue that I shouldn't keep talking at them. It might have saved my parents the constant interruptions from me while excitedly showing them my collection of woodlice or broken pottery or whatever I was whittering on about as a child!

7. Get outdoors

Alone or with friends and family, I love to get outdoors. I like to get out all year round but summer offers some great new options. I had lunch today sat by outside and then spend the afternoon reading a book. Very peaceful and relaxing. Go for a walk. Get some fresh air. I find that the exercise and fresh air helps me sleep and lifts my mood. Geocaching is a personal favourite. Fun for adults and children alike. A modern global treasure hunt. In essence it is using multimillion dollar satellites to help you locate hidden Tupperware boxes filled with rubbish toys. Give it a try!

8. Stay in touch

Finally for me it's important to stay in touch. Friends and family who may be away and disruption to routine can leave me feeling isolated. The wonders of the internet allow for easy communication with people around the world. If I recognise I'm getting a bit lonely it's very easy to send a message or text and keep in contact with people who are important to me.

I hope you've found this list of interest. I'd love to hear what you enjoy most about summer and how you overcome the challenges you may find with this time of year. Feel free to let me know via the comments or Facebook. Enjoy your summer!