Do We All Have Autism?

'Everybody is on the spectrum somewhere'

I'm sure this statement is familiar to most of us. It's a statement that many of us with, and indeed without an actual diagnosis may have been told or perhaps said, but is it true?

I personally would answer that no we are not ALL on the spectrum. I believe there is a clear boundary between having and not having an ASD, and don't find the view that you can be 'a bit' autistic accurate or helpful, and this is why...

Lets start by looking at what autism actually is. Autism is a neurological condition affecting how the brains neurotransmitters communicate and deal with information. It is a life long condition that cannot be cured. The way it affects an individual can vary but the symptoms can be categorised into groupings, this is where the term 'spectrum' comes in.

There is a common misconception that the word spectrum means there is sliding scale from 'non-autistic / neurotypical' to 'severely disabled'. This is not the case, it's more accurately a grouping of conditions (eg. Classic Autism, Aspergers Syndrome, RETT Syndome, PDD NOS) each condition sharing patterns of how the underlying neurological difference has caused an effect, all under the umbrella of 'Autism Spectrum' The National Autistic Society explains this as,

            'It is a spectrum condition, which means that, while all people with autism share certain difficulties, their condition will affect them in different ways.'

One difficulty I have noticed in explaining autism to someone is the fact it's a hidden disability. How ever much you stare at a person you won't be able to see their neurotransmitters, so how can you tell if they are different from yours? You can't, so it's the outward signs you'll see. This is where it can get tricky.

With specialist equipment there are undeniable differences clearly seen between those on the spectrum and those not. Brain scans show distinctly different patterns between neurotypical and autistic individuals. Another example is eye movement research which again clearly shows distinct differences in how people on and off the spectrum process information. So this seems clear cut, why would there be any doubt?

If you saw me having Sensory Overload, Shutdown, Meltdown, in a non verbal state or stimming, you'd instantly say there was something going on here that most people don't seem to experience, but I don't tend to display those traits in public if I can help it! Instead you get to see effects you can relate more to.

The social awkwardness, anxiety, confusion and general day to day difficulties are actually experienced by everyone at some point. If I said I feel so overloaded I just need to go to sleep I think most people could relate to that. Again if I explain that if I'm stressed I get tongue tied you could probably relate. How about shopping... the supermarket can be overwhelming because it's so busy, yep I guess you've felt that too at times. This gives the impression that these traits SHOW that someone has autism, so if everyone can relate then everyone has a degree of autism?

Lets myth-bust this theory with the statement that social awkwardness is a sign of autism. Just think back about your own experiences, how many times have you said something you regretted afterwards? How many cringe worthy jokes did you tell at the office party? How many times did you try to talk to your crush and make a fool of yourself? You thought of a few didn't you? I guess we all have a stock of encounters that make us squirm a bit when we remember them, but does this make us all autistic? No, it makes us all human! These social awkward moments happen to all of us, autistic or not, where the difference is comes back to the pesky neurotransmitters. In an autistic brain they are so busy processing the world in their own eccentric way that I often make social faux-pas without even realising, on a daily basis. Imagine those embarrassing moments you recalled earlier - now that is what 'mild' autism feels like when socialising EVERYDAY. Even a quiet and uneventful evening out can result in a bad meltdown for me (which is literally where part of my brain stops functioning for a short while, similar to a seizure), if this is something everybody experiences on a regular basis they certainly keep quiet about it! So you still think you have mild autism?

So we've established that some traits of autism can be related to by all. If I were to take the same approach here are some of the conditions I must therefore have...

I have hypos when my blood sugar drops which means I must have mild diabetes? Some days I have mood swings which means I must have both mild bipolar and menopause? I have a headache right now which means I must have mild brain tumour? Every day I get tired and go to bed which means I clearly have mild ME? Doesn't work does it? Perhaps you thought this was a bit insensitive and insulting to those with these conditions?

Yes it was insensitive, and that's how I feel about this statement towards autism. To say that EVERYONE is autistic in some way creates a number of problems for me.

By removing the distinction; removes the need for support for those on the spectrum by saying  that they don't really have a condition requiring support or therapy. It belittles the struggles faced by all those affected, however hidden it may be to you. It also makes support conditional on the effects being clear and obvious. I can tell you that when I'm having a hard time the last thing I want is to have to justify my diagnosis to someone with no medical knowledge who has never seen me at my worst!

It also creates a barrier to those not yet diagnosed. There is enough stigma with autism and related mental health concerns as it is, so please let's not create another one by dismissing someone's genuine struggles by saying that we all go through it.

On the flip side however I do still see it as important to recognise that regardless of diagnosis, many of the struggles I face as an aspie can be related to and even shared by those not on the spectrum. Although a strongly feel that there is a distinct divide separating those on and off the spectrum, this is simply a realisation that I the condition is a real thing and not a scary evil thing that should be used to create a gap between 'us' and 'them'. It is good to have the distinction when dealing with medical interventions and support; but with friends and family? Often I will share an experience I have had that I think of as being an 'autistic' trait only to find a friend not on the spectrum also can relate. This is great to bring us closer and our shared experiences and often different approaches to overcome obstacles unites.

This to me embodies neurodiversity - the celebration that we are all wonderful and valuable in our uniqueness - each and everyone of us regardless of functional labels.

For me it is important to ring-fence and understand my diagnosis as a medical and neurological thing that I (as a person) can take control of, I find this helpful and beneficial in my own journey at coming to terms with the diagnosis. Others take a very different view, and this is totally fine. What is important is that we find our own way to understand what the condition means to us.

In this post I've expressed strong views on why I don't think we ALL have autism, but they are just that, my opinions, based on my journey and experiences. Many have very different views and very different reasons why they hold them true. There is no hard fast correct answer here and I have presented you with my feelings, but how about you? Let me know your thoughts, whether you agree or disagree, I'd be very interested in your opinion, do YOU think we ALL have autism?

Diagnosis Dilemmas - Q&A on autism diagnosis

Diagnosis is a topic that pretty much everyone on the spectrum has at some stage been affected by. Perhaps you were diagnosed as a child or as an adult, perhaps you have no formal diagnosis and feel it is something that you don't need or you want a diagnosis but really don't know what to expect from it.

This week I wanted to have a look at the topic of diagnoses in the form of a question and answer session.

Before I get started I just want to note that here in the UK the services offered vary wildly depending on where you live, my answers are based on my experiences alone. I'd love to hear your story, especially if you live in a different area or country. Feel free to add your views to the comments section.

How old were you when you were diagnosed with asperger's?

I've actually been diagnosed officially twice, so I've got two answers to this. The first diagnosis was when I was 16, or to be precise on my 16th Birthday. I was leaving full time school and it was clear to me that there was something going on for me that really needed addressing. I had terrible problems during my teenage years and the wishy-washy explanations I'd been given just didn't make sense to me. Finding myself on the brink of starting my adult life in such a vulnerable position spurred us into getting me a conclusive diagnosis. 12 years later I received a second diagnosis that matched the first. I had hit some difficulties at work and my line manager was refusing to accept that I was on the spectrum. She had dismissed the first diagnosis claiming that autism is a childhood thing (suggesting that I had grown out of it if it was even there to start with) and that I clearly didn't have it (she truly believed that those on the spectrum can't talk). Getting the re-diagnosis not only helped secure some adjustments to the working environment for me but also helped me re-confirm things for myself.

Why did you not get diagnosed as a child?

Diagnosis in childhood becoming far more common these days, but back in the early 80s when I arrived into this world it was fairly rare. In the years since far more research and knowledge is available allowing for much earlier diagnosis. For me the signs were missed and it was all the more autistic traits I displayed as a child were put down to things such as bad parenting / premature birth / bad behaviour / food additives etc, as I got older this moved onto almost random guesses at 'your son might have..... ADHD? / bereavement issues / ADD? etc' but at no point was any diagnosis offered. When an actual diagnosis was brought up it was generally considered that it shouldn't be offered as I might use it as a label to hide behind.

What did the diagnosis involve?

A series of tests are carried out ranging from a full IQ test to manual dexterity and problem solving tasks. There was an extensive series of questions relating to how I feel about various scenarios and a fairly long and invasive questionnaire relating to my behaviours and development as a child. The questions can feel quite intrusive and intimidating so I recommend taking time over the questions and asking someone close to help you out if you find you're struggling with them.

Following this diagnosis more in-depth testing and therapies often get offered. I've had follow up tests to manage the sensory processing aspect of autism, sensory integration therapy and various therapies to address meltdown management and social skills.

The National Autistic Society has a very comprensive guide on how to request and what to expect from an adult diagnosis for those in the UK at this link: http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis/diagnosis-information-for-adults/how-do-i-get-a-diagnosis.aspx

I've not included any links to information about diagnoses in other countries or for children as I don't want to give you bad information as I don't know those areas very well myself - I welcome you to add any information you have that may be of use to others in the comments for others to see.

How did you feel about the diagnosis?

When I first received the diagnosis I was a bit shell-shocked. I remember having a typical teenage strop and telling my parents that it was a really crap 16th birthday present! I was given a list of things that I wouldn't be able to do because of the condition and really nothing positive was presented to me. Once the shock had passed it turned to relief. For a long time I had known there was something different about the way I was experiencing the world but having a reason why meant I could stop blaming myself and start to live my life, and I wanted to prove those who said I would never achieve anything wrong, I had mission!

What benefits has the diagnosis provided you?

There are two main benefits I have found from having an official diagnosis.

The first is a personal one. Having a piece of paper in my hand that conclusively proves that the struggles I've had are real and not just a weakness of character really helps me to overcome the pain of times things are bad. The diagnosis also provides me with a really useful tool to use to seek help, understanding why and how I'm struggling really gives me the key to figuring out what the solutions are.

The second benefit I have found is a purely practical one. By having a diagnosis I am officially classed in the UK as having a disability which automatically provides certain levels protection and support. It also opens up doors to getting specialist services, home support, treatments, advocacy etc, that are only offered to those with a diagnosis.

What disadvantages has the diagnosis given you?

None. I'm not saying this jokingly either, there really haven't been any disadvantages as such. The only negatives I could scrape from the barrel are that the process of actually getting one is frustrating and lengthy. Since getting the diagnosis it's only ever been beneficial for me.

The concern posed to me before my diagnosis was that it could be a label I could use to hide behind. In my experience it seems to actually work in reverse and having the label gives me more power and control over the struggles. To be fair if I was going to hide behind a label then I'm sure I would have found something to hide behind anyway and the effort in fighting for diagnosis would have been too much of an effort!

I've also heard often the concern that having a diagnose might disadvantage you if someone is prejudiced against those on the spectrum. In reality if you encounter small minded people like this then having the diagnosis legally protects you, actually in this situation not having the diagnosis would be the disadvantage. If I ever feel self-conscious or wary about disclosing my diagnosis then it's perfectly OK just to keep quiet and not tell anyone, having a diagnosis doesn't mean that I have to declare myself as an aspie to everyone I meet (although having a blog kinda does that for me!).

I suspect I am on the spectrum, would you suggest I get a diagnosis?

For me having a diagnosis has been a very positive thing but that doesn't mean I will be insisting everybody rushes to their doctors tomorrow for a test. There has been clear advantages for me in getting support as I often struggle but the process of diagnosis is frustrating and intrusive. I'd recommend assessing yourself if you feel a diagnosis is right for your own personal situation. I attend a support group in my local area that attracts many people both with diagnosis, self diagnosed and those just finding about the condition for themselves or someone they know. If you have questions about diagnosis groups like this and online support groups are a great way to chat things through with people who have gone through the process themselves. It's good to get a variety of views on the subject to help you make your own decisions.

I hope you've found this weeks topic interesting. As always I welcome your feedback and views. Please feel free to send me in your comments and questions below.

Daring to Defeat Depression

Over the last week I've been approached to write posts on a number of subjects, Communication Skills, Cures, Confidence, all of which I am very excited to share my thoughts on but not this week. I've had a terrible week. Actually I've had a terrible month! I've really wanted to try and highlight as many positive aspects of autism in my posts as I can, but this week I'm going a different direction. I got thinking about why I started this blog. I wanted to share MY experiences. Good, bad, whatever, just my experiences, this week they've been really appallingly bad, so this is what you get to read about today.

Depression and anxiety aren't exclusive to autism, and some on the spectrum don't suffer from this at all, but it is very often something people with autism face, I'm one of them. Depression is a tiring and frustrating beast to face. We rarely openly talk about it and it still today comes with stigma and fear attached. It occurred to me that I would feel at ease posting a blog about having a cold or flu, a broken bone or a migraine. Mental health concerns however somehow feel more personal and harder to talk about. Why should this be the case? I wanted to face the fear and talk to you about it right here in my blog this week.

I didn't know how to talk about or explain how I experience depression and anxiety so I simply wrote how I felt during one particularly bad night this week. It's not neat and tidy, grammatically concise or detailed. It doesn't need to be, it is simply how I felt. I want to give the full picture in my blog, both good and bad, so here we go.

            Autism can be relentless.....

            meltdowns rolls into meltdowns,

            my senses burning, my brain imploding ,

            this hurts.....

           

            I'm so tired,

            but I carry on,

            questions, decisions, guilt,

            why is it so hard to say I need help?

            and this hurts....

           

            You ask who's at fault?

            who's to blame?

            we talk about it, talking for hours,

            but this hurts.....

           

            the adrenalin flows and my insides burn,

            guts twisted in knots,

            head pounds,

            this hurts....

           

            You say it's my fault,

            that I'm weak,

            to man up,

            ....but this hurts..........

           

            I can take some meds,

            numb the senses,

            shut out the world,

            it still hurts......

           

            I see your pain,

            I see your frustration,

            I see the hurt I cause you,

            and it hurts....

           

            why am I so wrong,

            so bad,

            so selfish,

            to sometimes want this to all stop

            .....because it hurts?

            breathe in

            three

            two

            one

            breath out

            and relax

            tomorrow will be a better day?

Tomorrow was a better day this time, but each day one person dies every 40 seconds because it wasn't a better day. Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50 in the UK, let's all play a part in reducing this statistic and talk about mental health. There is still a stigma about mental health issues that MUST be removed. Depression is a silent killer and is no more a choice than any physical illness so let's treat it the same and be open about it's affects and find a way forward together.

If you need to talk today or have concerns about someone you know then here are some phone numbers for you:

UK: Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

Republic of Ireland: 1850 60 90 90

USA & Canada: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Australia: Lifelink Samaritans: 03 63 31 3355

For a larger list of countries visit http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html 

10 Reasons You are NOT Cupid

Valentines day is upon is once again. It’s time to shower your loved one with rose petals and luxury chocolates and smugly declaring your perfect and unmatched love to the world. I’ll sit here as a singleton and feel sad and lonely…

Well not exactly, I’m actually pretty happy for now being single, but many of my friends don’t seem so convinced. Valentines day seems to be the time of the year when it is seen as a great time to raise the issue of how asperger's affects relationships and ask some very pointed questions that normally people probably wouldn’t dream of asking.

This seems a great opportunity to address some of these questions or comments and answer some of the stereotypes. The following are a list of statements I have genuinely received and a light-hearted look at each one. It is important to remember that I’ve made my answers based on my own personal feelings, we are all different so perhaps you’d answer in a very different way. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic and I do hope you enjoy this post,

So let’s get started…

1: It must be so hard finding a girlfriend as an aspie…

Yeh, I guess it is, but probably not for the reasons you might think! I don’t know many people (aspie or not) who find it truly easy just getting a girlfriend, let alone a compatible one. The main hurdle is communication. When faced with stepping out there and making a good first impression with someone I find attractive I usually panic and say something random, but that’s definitely not exclusively an aspie problem! Beyond this we’re all different and the way we approach finding the love of our life and what we’re looking for in a partner varies just as much as it does for those not on the spectrum, although some of the factors are. Questions like how and when (or even if) to tell them about my condition do play a big part. For me it takes me a while to feel comfortable around new people so meeting someone new in say a bar or nightclub has never been great for me, but developing a relationship over time has been successful for me. So yes there are challenges, but I don’t think they’re it’s necessarily any easier for those not on the spectrum.

2: You should meet my friend, she has asperger’s too, you’d be perfect together…

I have a friend who is stupid, perhaps YOU could date them?!

Perhaps I will get on with this person, perhaps I won’t. The only thing volunteered here is that they have asperger's, like me. This tells me nothing about them as a person or their personality. I’ve actually been told this in a number of occasions, in various different forms – two people with autism would make a perfect match because they have autism in common.

This is no different from telling someone that if you’re British, then any other British person would make a perfect match for them. We wouldn’t say that! Well at least I hope not…

3: You must be lonely being single…

Yes sometimes I am, but you can also be lonely when with someone. Loneliness is a big factor for many on the spectrum, whether single or in a relationship. I can go for long periods of time with little to no interaction outside of work or care settings, it can get very isolating at times. When I’m most struggling it becomes increasingly hard for me to communicate and this can fuel the feeling of loneliness. If anything it’s actually worse when in a relationship because the barrier this temporarily creates whilst the meltdown or crisis passes can isolate you from those around you. It is never pleasant going through this feeling isolated from those around you but it passes and in many ways it is easier to handle these times when I can just go and be alone for a while. Having good friends and joining clubs also works wonders if loneliness creeps in, but I’m under no illusion that I only experience loneliness because I’m single.

4: If you were more outgoing, less outgoing, more bold, wore different clothes…(and so on)… you’d find someone

Yes I’d find someone, but not the right someone! How long could I keep up the pretence of having a different personality? Perhaps if I want to change any of these things about myself then I should do it for me, not for some one else? I’m a work in progress, just like everyone else and whoever I meet joins my journey right where I am now.

5: Aspies don’t have empathy so they can’t have relationships.

Aspies not having empathy is the biggest myth there is. It is simply not true, and recent research is beginning to show that it could be the opposite, that we have too much empathy! It is true that it is in many ways harder for aspies to have relationships but it’s not impossible not related to empathy. The social cues and unwritten rules in starting and maintaining a relationship are a minefield and often confusing for anyone, let alone someone with communication difficulties that come with autism. In past relationships I’ve often come up against barriers where I was ‘expected’ to act a certain way, say certain things, do certain things that I was just clueless about and vice versa. As an example if my girlfriend was upset I might naturally leave her alone. For me I need space when I’m upset so I was showing empathy by allowing her the space that I would want in this situation. She, on the other hand, might perceive this to be lack of empathy and show me to be distant and uninterested. Really this just shows that we both do things in a different way and need to communicate about issues that others might not necessarily need to talk about.

6: You’ll Want to Start a Family One Day

Perhaps, but I’m realistic that I’m getting older and it might not happen. I’d love to be a father, but I’m also quite content with not having children. It’s something that’s out of my control so I don’t see this as burning issue that absolutely must be resolved instantly.

7: Do you think you should have children? What if you pass on autism…

It is possible that autism is genetic so I guess I could pass it on, but why should that be a problem? I’d argue that I’d be in a great position to be able to pass on what I’ve learned through my life experiences to a child, whether they have autism themselves or not. Perhaps we’re more at risk of you passing on ‘stupid,’ – ignorance is the thing that needs to be wiped out, not autism!

8: You Need Someone so they can Help You Around The House

Yes I do, that’s why I have a support worker. Having a partner would clearly reduce weight of domestic tasks and financial responsibility, but this should never be the motivation behind a relationship. I don’t want a second mother (one is plenty enough), I want a relationship. Even in a relationship I’d probably still keep outside support in place. After all I want to spend my time enjoying my partner’s company rather than burden her with medication and sensory integration routines!

9: You can’t really be happy on your own can you?

Our society pushes a view that to be happy we MUST have someone to share your life with. This is not true. There are plenty of people I who never settle down, get married, have two kids and a pet dog, and they’re definitely not leading a substandard life.

In reality it could be that I never meet the right person and stay alone, but actually this isn’t so bad.

Being single allows me the freedom to live life with far more freedom than many of my married friends. If I need to make a lifestyle change I don’t have to consider my partner. (Recently I moved house to get better healthcare, this may not have been even an option if I had a wife and children to consider), if I have a bad day I can be as grumpy as I like and not have to worry about it affecting someone else, If a friend is in need I can drop everything to help out, if I want to go away for a weekend… no problem. Yes at times I do envy the family life that these friends have but it’s far better to appreciate the benefits of the life I’ve got now, rather that wishing I had what someone else has.

10: The right girl is out there for you, you just need to go and find her…

She is, but I don’t think I will find her, I believe we will find each other. If I get on with my life, and live it the best I can, be happy with who I am then the rest takes care of itself. Call it fate, destiny or just chance, I believe that if you meet people while living your own life and then who knows where things go.

So if you are spending Valentines Day alone this year like me, then join me in celebrating all the reasons why being single is actually pretty ace. Whether you are in a relationship or single I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Share your thoughts on why you enjoy being in a relationship or being single? What struggles have you had in relationships and do you have any tips for others?

Friendships

‘How do I make friends?’ is possibly the question I get asked most and certainly one that for much of my life I was asking myself.

It is well known that communication difficulties and trouble understanding social situations are common traits for those on the spectrum so it probably isn’t a surprise that finding and maintaining friendships is a difficulty a lot of us share.

For many years, especially as a teenager, I was desperately lonely and truly craved the friendships those around me seemed to just find naturally. In recent years things have been different. Yes, at times I can still feel isolated but I now have a very diverse and fulfilling group of friends, but getting there took a lot of will power and determination. So what is the magic formula?

Unfortunately there isn’t one. There are plenty of great ways to meet new people and build friendships that could be discussed, indeed it really does take a lot of effort, but this is something I want to cover in a future post. What I wanted to do instead was to introduce you to some of my closest friends and share with you a little about how we met and how our friendships developed. I hope this can give an example of how opportunities for finding great friendships can pretty much present themselves anywhere, even when you’re least expecting it.

1: Marq

I met Marq while on a walk with a club I’d joined. I wanted to get out and have more exercise so joining a group seemed a good idea. Marq was fairly new to the area and we chatted as we walked. We broke the ice over a childish giggle over the name of our walk’s destination… we were heading to a holiday resort in the forest called ‘Sandy Balls’! Before you get any ideas, the name refers to the sandy hills in the area. After the walk we swapped details and arranged to meet up the following week. Our friendship developed from there with evenings watching movies or trying out the latest PS3 game. Most weekends I’d go around Marq’s house for what would be dubbed ‘Steevy Sunday’. We have a very similar sense of humour and have built some very happy memories trying out fun activities or new eateries in the local area. Last year I was very proud to be Marq’s best man as he married Jade. It was so special to be part of their big day and I’m so happy to consider Jade a good friend as well. Steevy Sunday’s are still part of the diary, although now I live further away they are less regular, but that just makes them more fun to look forward to.

2: Phil

Phil is one of my few friends from my teenage years. Soon after receiving my diagnosis at 16 I joined a support group to meet others and build my social skills. It was at this group I met Phil. That period of my life was very difficult and the group provided an outlet and safe haven. Phil was the first friend I made who I felt free to open up to about the struggles I was going through. The experience of the group was very intense but created a lasting bond for us that has stayed the fifteen years since. Even today he is one of the few people I can be totally honest with when things get a bit tricky. We now live quite a long way apart but see each other when we can. He is now married to Pauline and they have four wonderful children together, three of them I’m very proud to be Godfather to. Isabella, Sebastian, Dominic and Harrison all make me very proud and it is so great to hear about their achievements.

3: Kathryn

I met Kathryn at a mutual friend’s house warming party. Actually, to be more precise I’d met her at the end of the party as we were both leaving! She had just moved to town and we swapped numbers and arranged to meet up. We bonded quickly over fun days out exploring the local area together, partying the nights away in town and putting the world to rights over a few glasses of wine or discussing our pet turtles. Kathryn lives with her partner Sophia and daughter Rosie about an hour from where I now live. I always look forward to their house parties, always the best and rarely uneventful – The attempt at combining two monopoly boards resulted in confused chaos and my shorts splitting clean in two during a drinking game gave everyone something to talk about, but fun is always had!

4: Luke

I met Luke a few years ago at an aspergers support group in a near by town. The group no longer meets but I have remained good friends with Luke ever since. Luke is the life and soul of any gathering and bursts with confidence. Every where we go Luke seems to know dozens of people so any outing together results in a large group forming seemingly from no where. I first got to know Luke properly when we shared a tent together at a summer festival, by the end of the weekend Luke had met and introduced me to pretty much everyone camping nearby, many whom I’m still in contact with! Luke is a great public speaker and advocate for those with aspergers, his enthusiasm for sharing his experiences to help others inspired me to follow his footsteps.

5: Ed & Davita

I met Ed and Davita at Church and got to know them both while taking part in various activities and groups in the church. I can’t point out exactly when and where I came to consider them good friends, it just naturally evolved. There have been many times they have come to my rescue at difficult times in very practical ways, fantastic home cooked food or a comfy place to sleep if I need to get away from home for a few days. I’ve had many fun days out with Ed and Davita and their children Annabelle and Timothy. Last year we had a fun trip to Wilton House. The poor children didn’t get a chance to enjoy the play park, us adults were too busy commissioning the zip-line! We share a love of board games and together we’ve battled aliens to save the space ship, built cities, traded sheep and saved the world from epidemics. The friendship I have with Ed and Davita is very special in that I have had many evenings at theirs where we have simply sat and read or carried on with our own things but simply appreciated the company, as someone who finds socialising tiring, this really is a special attribute. As fellow adventurers, their book case has the best collection of travel books and maps to keep me occupied for hours!

There are many others I would love to be able to mention here but I’m sure there will be chance to make special mention and thanks to some of my other friends in later posts. I hope you have enjoyed reading this post and it has given an insight into the random and diverse ways I’ve ended up finding some truly great friends in some unexpected places. In an upcoming post I will be sharing with you some of the techniques and tips I've found helpful to use when building and establishing great friendships. 

Happy New Year

The New Year is fast approaching and as we say goodbye to 2014 many of us will be thinking of things we want to change or achieve for the year to come. If you are stuck for ideas on resolutions you can make that are fun and (at least likely) to be achievable, here is a list to inspire you.

Daily Photo Project

The idea of this resolution is simple, take one photo every day of the year. The photo can be of anything, something representing the day’s events, something mundane, something that interests you, it doesn’t matter but it must be taken that day. With phones cameras and digital cameras so readily available it is easy to do and a challenge I took on myself. I ended up carrying on for four years, but why? What was the point?

By making myself look for something to photograph each and every day I started to see the good in even the more lousy days. It gave me an appreciation and perspective on my life I would have not otherwise seen. Looking back over the albums it’s what had seemed as less memorable days that provided the most meaningful photos that wouldn’t have otherwise been taken – my family meeting for lunch, the first meal in my new home or the day my Dad rescued me when my car broke down. What memories will you capture?

Grow Your Own Vegetables

Spring will soon be coming so what better time to start planning a new gardening project for the year ahead. Growing your own vegetables is a great project for all the family. Whether you have a garden to dig over or just a window sill to grow herbs and chillies, there is something you could try.

Try New Foods

A lot of us have told ourselves which foods we should cut out of our diet, but how about the reverse? Instead of a list of banned items, how about challenging ourselves to try new foods this year? Perhaps try replacing one item on your shopping list for something new or get experimental with different cuisines and recipes.

This year I joined some friends in doing weekly shop in a Chinese supermarket. Certainly some of the items I tried won’t be on the menu again (dried squid and jellyfish…) but it certainly gave me more confidence to try new recipes and I can now cook up a mean stir-fry!

A Daily Good Deed

Wanting to do some good in the world is a common resolution to have and definitely a rewarding one, but for this resolution it’s not the one off big charitable event I’m talking about, it’s a bit closer to home. Is there something you can do today for the benefit of someone else? Perhaps you can spare some time to help someone, volunteer or even something as simple as giving someone a smile or reminding a loved one why they’re special to you. Is there something you can do today?

Spend More Time with Friends and Family

It’s so easy to loose touch with friends and family, like takes over and before we know it another year has passed. Why not take the opportunity now to put time aside in your brand new diary to spend time with those you care about. Even if you can’t arrange to meet up in person, perhaps you could proactively set time aside to phone or send an email.

Fulfil a Life Dream

Is there something you’ve always dreamed of doing? Perhaps there’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit? Could this be the year you fulfil this dream? Even if it’s farfetched, why not make a start at making it happen? You never know where it will lead.

Last year I fulfilled a dream of driving Route 66 across the USA. Admittedly I had to compromise a bit and trade the Cadillac for a budget hatchback and posh hotels for cheap motels, but it was an experience of a lifetime and something I’m so pleased I did while I had the opportunity.

I hope this list has inspired you to try something new in the next year, and whatever the New Year brings, I hope it is full of fun and happiness.

Thoughts This Thanksgiving

Like most of my fellow Brits, Thanksgiving comes and goes each November with barely anyone even being aware of the feasts and celebrations happening over the great Atlantic Ocean. It is just another wet and drizzly November day, like all the others. This year I decided to take part myself, but first I better find out what it’s all about…

My knowledge of Thanksgiving is it involves giving thanks and food, lots of food. Turkey, marshmallows, sweet potatoes, marshmallows, pumpkin pie and more marshmallows. According to a quick check on Google, this appears to be accurate. Food is definitely something that I can definitely get involved in but it was the ‘giving thanks’ part that particularly interested me. This got me thinking about what I’m thankful for, so this week I’ll be dedicating my post to my wonderful parents.

My parents are always there for me and I don’t take the time to thank them for all they do for me anywhere near enough. They have always been my biggest supporters, advocates, inspiration and friends. They are the first on the scene when things go wrong and get the brunt of the worst days. I know what a strain and challenge this must be for them and although at the time it might not seem so, I hope they know how much I really appreciate them for all they do.

The last few months have been particularly difficult. A severe dip in my health and a number of troubling bureaucratic hurdles blocking access to support have resulted in me needing to move home to be able to access better support. Mum and Dad have stepped in and helped the best they can to make the move run smoothly. As I type away Dad is down at the hospital trying to get a follow-up appointment arranged following a rather nasty episode last week. When even getting a hospital appointment is as unnecessarily stressful and complicated as it is, their help has been a lifesaver.

Aside from the support when things aren’t going so well I wanted to mention something that my parents have always done that as a child I never fully appreciated but for which I’m particularly thankful for – encouraging my hobbies and interests. They didn’t just show an interest in what I was into at the time, but they’d get involved themselves. This helped me achieve so much, build my confidence a create so many happy memories.

I’ve talked in previous posts about my interest in fungi. I will always have fond memories of walks in the forest with my dad searching for a rare find together, or crawling through the undergrowth to get the best photo. When I developed an interest in travel there was always an opportunity to travel somewhere new together. I can always say I conquered all of the compass points of the UK with my dad. Travelling all the way to Muckle Flugga, the UK’s northernmost outpost was great fun for me, but to share it with my dad made is so much more special. Mum has an amazing creative side to her and this was always an opportunity for some family bonding too. Growing up there was always something to do, from baking, building dens with sofa cushions to lego towers reaching the ceiling. There was always something creative to get involved in.

So this Thanksgiving I think it is a perfect time to say thank you for being the most caring, generous and wonderful parents anyone could ask for.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post and I’d love to hear from you about what you are doing for thanksgiving and share your stories.

The day my parents wanted to try on a new pair of shoes...

well I guess it was easier to join in rather than get me to sit normally...

During my 'world domination' phase...

This didn't last long, and I'm not sure Simon Cowell would have been impressed...

I guess building a sandcastle on a pebble beach in February was never going to be a winner... although the red boot / balaclava combo definitely is - bravo on the style choice mum & dad!

Loving life with my spacehopper - the best form of transport ever invented!

So as not to feel left out, here is the whole family with my amazing sisters. (I'm the bald dribbly one in the middle)

My Aspie Moments - A Photo journal of some of my more 'autistic' moments

I take a lot of photos, I enjoy capturing the memories and moments of life and it is great to look back and remember some of the fun adventures had. Back in 2009 I started a New Year's project to take a photo each day, something interesting or significant about the day to remember it by. It struck me that it was the uneventful and routine days that brought back the fondest memories, times with friends and family but also capturing some of my 'autistic' traits. I would like to share some of these with you in this week's blog. Perhaps you can relate to some of these, perhaps this is a new insight for you but either way I do hope you enjoy this week's delve into some of my aspie moments...

You often feel left outside of social groups...

When you're overloaded your words come out in a random order...

But you'll find good friends who accept your quirks...

And when you're with them you know how to have a good time...

There is always an escape route planned in case things get too much when going out socialising...

You get used to spending time with yourself...

Sometimes you just need time alone to take in the world...

And that's fine because being alone is great!...

Sometimes life can feel precarious...

You can't always read the warning signs when things are going wrong in your life...

The world can seem scary and full of danger...

So you plan ahead and keep a routine...

You like things neat and in order...

When you want to unwind you always have the best reading materials at hand...

And know how to play the best games...

And at the end of the day you know that being autistic is awesome...