TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with
the topics of religion and faith. Because of the nature of the subject and I
will be writing from a Christian perspective. If this is a topic you feel isn’t
for you then I’d advise not reading further. In this post I have tried to put
aside my personal feelings regarding God and faith and look instead at what has
helped me make sense of my faith and access the church. I am conscious not to
offend or sway your beliefs with this post, I simply want to outline my
experience of what has and hasn’t helped me to access the church and my faith
in the hope it can be of use for others.
‘How can our Church support those affected by
Autism?’ a friend asked me over a coffee recently. The directness of this
question sent me into a tirade that I think surprised both of us. I could see
on her face that she was regretting asking this question, but it got me
thinking. I spent many years holding my Christian faith close and was an active
member of my local church but that was in the past and I no longer consider
myself to have faith and the church isn’t a feature of my life. For a topic I
didn’t think affected me in any great way, the passion of my response to the question
got me thinking. It dawned on me that irrespective of my faith (or current lack
of) the influence the church has had for me has been and has the potential to
be very positive. When this question resurfaced on a number of occasions since
starting this blog and with Autism Sunday fast approaching I thought it was
time to look at this topic in more detail.
The
International Day of Prayer for Autism (also known as Autism Sunday) takes
place across the globe on the second Sunday of February. I like the sentiment
behind this event but want to look at whether there are things the Church
community can do to support those on the spectrum throughout the whole year?
So lets get
started….
1: Provide Information on What Can
Be Expected From Your Church
Knowing
what to expect is a really important factor for me when going somewhere new. If
I visit a new place it helps to have as much information beforehand on what to
expect. The unknown and unexpected is very daunting so knowing what’s going on
before arriving can really help me to feel relaxed and at ease. How can you do
this?
Perhaps you
have photos of your church and information about services on your website? This
will help me see what your building looks like and know what to expect. If
things get too much, knowing in advance that there is a coffee area or where
the exit is can really make things a lot easier.
Photos of
your leaders and key personnel will also help me know who’s who when I arrive. Perhaps
you can arrange to meet me before hand or put me in contact with a member of
your welcome team. This way I will already know a friendly face when I arrive.
2: Don’t Make Assumptions
So I’ve
just walked into Church. Why am I here?
Perhaps I’m
a Christian looking to worship God. Perhaps I’m visiting the area and joining
you for the service. Perhaps I’m a regular attendee and you see me every
Sunday. Perhaps I’m struggling in some area and looking for help. Perhaps I
have no interest in faith but want to meet some new people in the area.
It could be
any reason. Whether I attend regularly or this is my first time there is no way
of knowing exactly why I have chosen to walk through the doors and into your
church. It’s best not to make assumptions as to what’s brought me here.
3: Be Welcoming!
This seems
straightforward, but in reality there are some factors that can really make a
big difference here.
Arriving at
a busy church can be overwhelming at the best of times, but with the
complications of autism it can be a barrier that stops you even getting through
the door.
Lets
picture a fairly typical scenario….
I arrive at the church. I’m not feeling great and I’m
anxious and not at my best. There is a throng of people milling around the
doors chatting. I feel overloaded so push past and enter the building.
I’m faced by the welcoming team. A line-up of bouncers in
corporate church uniform insisting on communicating with me before I can enter
the service. ‘Hello, Welcome!’, ‘Take a leaflet’, ‘Have you been before?’
‘Here’s our gift aid form’ ‘WELCOME’ ‘Have another leaflet’ ‘God loves you now
HUG ME’
Yikes, can’t deal with this, I don’t even know these people,
quick, quiet seat over there.
The hall fills up. Everyone knows each other and are
chatting. I feel isolated and intimidated. How do I even start a conversation?
The service continues and I feel more and more self
conscious.
‘Say hello to those around you’ announces the minister. What
do I say? Am I looking relaxed? What if they hug me again? Is my autism
showing? Oh no, my autism is showing!!!!
The service draws to a close and I sheepishly navigate the
small talk in the coffee area and leave feeling isolated and stressed.
Where was
God in this scenario? Exactly! The social pressures that autism brings means
that God can easily become overshadowed. Any time I have addressed this
directly I have received the rather strange response that ‘It is your
responsibility to talk to everyone else’ or ‘This is a large church, we can’t
cater for everyone’ – rubbish!
Luckily
this hasn’t always been the experience. I went to a church for a while that
took the approach that ‘we are ALL the welcome team’. Just this slight change
of attitude created a hugely positive affect for me. It allowed me to just be
me. The overloaded, antisocial, clumsy me that I often am on a Sunday morning.
I remember distinctly a particular day. I’d not been to church for a while and
wasn’t really in the mood, but went anyway. I was met in the carpark by someone
who greeted me like a long lost friend and introduced me to someone I didn’t
know. They walked in with me and I sat down in a quiet corner. Another person I
didn’t know politely introduced herself and offered to get me a drink. During
the service I left the hall and sat in the coffee area as it was a bit intense
for me. Without fuss someone asked if I’d like company. I did and we listened
to the sermon. Afterwards over coffee I chatted and prayed with someone else.
There was no neon ‘pray here’ sign, huddles or hugs. Just a genuine and warm
welcome. I left still feeling overloaded and overwhelmed but felt respected and
welcomed. This makes a huge impact and is this not something you want to be
portraying?
4: Be Sensitive to My Sensory Needs
So I still
felt overloaded and overwhelmed? Well yes. Due to autism I have various sensory
difficulties. Unfortunately the set up of a standard church service hits all
the buttons to set off sensory overload. Bright lights, loud music, lots and
lots of information, lots of social interaction can all combine and create such
a noise in my head that my brain just says ‘NO!’ In the wider world I have many
things I can do to address this. I won’t go to the supermarket if I feel myself
getting overloaded – I’ll shop online instead. I may work from home instead of
going into the office or Just take nap and sleep it off. How I deal with the
church is no different. If I cannot focus on a service due to sensory difficulties
I will have to make adjustments. This could range from the extremes of
abandoning the service, or attending a quieter service at a different church to
simply sitting in a different place.
5: Provide Respite
Day to day
life with autism can be exhausting both mentally and physically. The church can
provide a welcome haven of rest in an otherwise relentless battle. Quieter
reflective services, prayer rooms or simply having a space to sit, chill or
have a coffee can really help by providing space to reflect and rest.
Practically
speaking as well perhaps you have the time to prepare a meal for a family
having a difficult time or baby sit for an evening. Things like this can be
especially helpful for families looking after a child on the spectrum.
6: Recognise I can’t always attend
the main Sunday service
Maintaining
my connection with God and with you is important to me, but if I’m struggling
to leave the house then it’s over to you….
‘You must
push through and get to church’ is something I’ve been told many times. No! Get
off your backside and come to me!
Sorry, I
won’t go into a rant here (well perhaps I will….) but assuming you believe that
God exists outside of the church building then perhaps you can come to me. A
bad episode usually comes hand in hand with a cocktail of mental health
problems, anxiety and depression being the most obvious. Please whatever you do
don’t mistake anxiety and depression with being anxious and feeling depressed.
They are different things. I can ‘feel’ depressed and push through within a few
days but depression is a debilitating illness and simply trying to just get on
with things can and has lead to serious consequences. If a bad episode hits,
the act of attending a big service (or indeed leaving the house) is out of the
question, so let me be steered by my doctors and trust that God will meet me
where I am and not where you want me to be.
Perhaps you
can help by bringing a bible to mine and study with me and pray with me. I can
feel connected and supported then without having to sacrifice my health or
trying to rush my recovery.
7: Offer Mentorship
At home and
at work I benefit from mentorship. Having a point of contact who can guide me
and assist me when I encounter difficulties. This is no different in the
church, especially if I am serving on a team. The issues I have already
described in detail highlight some of the barriers to fully exploring my faith
in a church environment, but in a much smaller group with people I trust I have
a means to engage at a much greater level. Perhaps you have half an hour a week
you can spare to pray with someone on a regular basis? Could you commit to a
monthly bible study with someone? It doesn’t take much effort but could be
hugely beneficial.
8: Don’t Try To Heal Me
The issue
of curing autism is hugely divisive and many people hold extreme views on
whether a cure should or shouldn’t be sought. Making any statement about God’s
healing relating to autism could cause huge offence and be very damaging. Even
looking at the anxiety, depression and sensory elements that I doubt anyone
would be against healing, the topic of God’s healing is still tricky. As an
aspie I take things literally and if told that by smacking me in the head and
screaming ‘Be Healed’ (or a more subtle equivalent) – then I will be expecting
it to instantly happen. This hasn’t happened for me. Indeed trying to get God
to ‘cure’ my autism has actually been more damaging than helpful. I’m more at
ease concluding that God has created me with autism and I can use this to mine
and his benefit. There are many positive attributes to autism and many positive
qualities. The fact I relate to God and see the interpret the world slightly
differently doesn’t make it wrong, it just adds a new perspective. Reading a
bible verse I often pick up on details or have questions others simply don’t
see, surely this is a good thing?
Now back to
the healing. I truly believe that if God is involved in my healthcare then I
should trust that the medication and professional support is steered by him.
Please don’t expect me to replace my healthcare with faith, let them complement
each other. Don’t stop praying, but be respectful and also put your trust in
God. He is the one in charge after all so if he wants to provide healing he
will do it regardless of whether it comes in the way you are expecting.
9: Change Your Expectations Of Me
The
pressure to volunteer and be a part of activities in the church can become intense.
There is always a need for volunteers and as part of a church family I am going
to want to serve as well. The major barrier for me is the support I receive in
doing this. At work a raft of adjustments are put in place and management are
accountable for making sure I have the tools and support to do my job well.
This is no different at church, only here I am a volunteer.
I was once
asked to be part of a set-up team. It wasn’t successful. I need written clear
instructions – no, A clearly defined role – no, flexibility if I can’t make the
shift – no. In fact if I couldn’t make it I would have to phone around and
arrange my own cover, something I couldn’t possibly do if I was having a
meltdown. I left, unable to do this task feeling like a failure.
Actually many
times I’ve attempted to serve in any meaningful way and encountered the same
barriers. The excuse? ‘We’re only human, we all make mistakes.’ Great, but
would we use this excuse outside of church. I crashed the plane, but it’s OK
because I’m only human. I didn’t cook the chicken properly and gave someone
salmonella, but it’s OK because I’m only human. I blocked a member of staff
from working because I wouldn’t make an adaptation to his disability, but it’s
OK because I’m only human…
In a
workplace this would result in lawsuits galore, in the church it simply means
wasted talent. I stopped even attempting to serve as a result and I imagine
many others are in the same boat. Change your expectations a little and you might
find some great talent volunteering for you. Do you really want to stop someone
being an asset to your church for the sake of a small adjustment?
10: Signpost Support
There are
often times you may not be able to provide support. Perhaps it falls outside
what can be practically offered by the church, or perhaps there is another
group or organisation that would be of use. One thing that is really helpful is
to be directed to someone that can be of help.
One useful website I have discovered
for more information on this subject is a document from the Diocese of Oxford
titled Welcoming those with Autism and
Asperger Syndrome in our Churches and Communities (http://www.oxford.anglican.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/autism_guidelines.pdf).
It is definitely well worth a read and gives some very well thought out
insight.
