Welcome to Steve’s Aspie Adventures



Whether you are reading this as a parent, carer, friend or are on the spectrum yourself, a warm welcome to the blog and I’d welcome your comments. I was diagnosed with an autism spectrum condition as a teenager. Throughout my life this has brought unique challenges, deep lows but also very happy times. I hope with this blog I can share some of my experiences, challenges and successes with you. My hope is that it can help along the way at breaking down some of the fears, misconceptions, stereotypes that come hand in hand with Autism by giving an insight into what it’s like as an individual living with the condition.

At times when I’m affected most by my condition life can grind to a halt, but that has given me a drive to experience all I can when I’m feeling well. Travel brings a new perspective on life and the experiences it brings have made my good days even better and given hope in my bad days. For me it’s a metaphorical middle finger to a life-long condition. In my other blog (Roaming Steve) I share some stories of my travel and adventures.

I hope you enjoy reading this blog. Feel free to share this with your friends if you've found it helpful. I'd love to hear your thoughts, any topics you'd like to read about and own experiences so please comment or message me.


Please note, that in all my blog entries I can only relay my personal experiences and perspective. It is important to remember that every single person on the spectrum is an individual with a different story to mine. I have no medical expertise or training and am writing to share my personal experiences only.


Friday 31 October 2014

10 Phrases that mean something very different to aspies


It's not a secret that I take things very literally. It's a common trait for us aspies to not understand when something is

meant to be taken seriously or is just a saying, and this can create some confusion. What might be just a simple request or statement can lead me to blankly staring at you with a quizzical expression on my face or partaking in some rather bizarre behaviour. But why? We've got our wonderfully quirky and bizarre language to thank for that! Have you ever stopped and thought about how random some of our everyday sayings are? This week I've compiled a list of the 10 sayings that mean something very different to my literal way of thinking. So lets get started, make yourself comfortable and...

1. Take a seat...

Take it where? Why would you want me to take a seat, is that not stealing? Oh, I guess that you want me to be seated so I'll sit down. That's when you say...

2. You alright?

Why wouldn't I be alright? Ah yes this is just a greeting, umm what's the correct response....'you alright mate?' - of course, silly me, but I'd still like to answer your random greeting-question and actually tell you if I'm alright. You try and make things better by saying...

3. Every cloud has a silver lining...

Well no they don't. Clouds aren't known for their silver content, you never tend to hear weather forecasts warning of low pressure systems bringing in heavy silver accumulation, turning to gold at high altitude. That would certainly make jewellery cheaper. Speaking of the weather it is raining hard today. Yes you say...

3. It's raining cats and dogs....

No, it's definitely not. It's raining water. How are you mistaking that wet stuff out there to be furry pets? It's not unheard of for there to be isolated fish or frog showers but not cats and dogs. Do you need to 'take a seat' as you say, I think you might be hallucinating. You don't seem impressed with my observations and tell me to...

6. Put a sock in it...

Put a sock in what? What purpose will putting my socks anywhere other than on my feet have exactly? I guess I better take my socks off and wait for further instructions. You seem exasperated and tell me to stop wasting time and...

4. Pull your socks up...

Whoa, now you just told me to put my socks in something and now you're cross because you want me to pull them up? Seriously dude, what's your fascination with my socks? As I put them back on you notice how great they look ( I have fabulous socks!) and compliment them by saying that they're...

7. The bees knees...

No, they're not. There is no comparison between bees knees and anything other than bees knees. How my fantastic socks (or indeed anything else) could be described as being 'the bees knees' is beyond me. Knees aren't even a bee's best feature. I'd go for their bright colours or efficient pollen collection ability. Why then is it OK for you to compare my splendid socks with bees knees but I'd be the odd one if I say 'hey Jimmy I think your new phone is as great as a bees pollen collection ability!' Actually this is what I might start to say from now on. You laugh and say I'm...

8. taking the piss...

Right so lets use my powers of deduction here, by 'taking the seat' you meant 'sit down' so by 'taking the piss' you want me to sit in the..... oh..... Yeurgh. WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT?!

No! you say, it means you were being silly; you put me right about this one fast and tell me to...

9. Lighten up...

You saying I'm fat.... well I guess I could do with getting a bit lighter, I have been eating a lot of cakes recently. No? That's not what you meant, Perhaps you want the room to 'lighten up' I'll turn on the lamp. Anyway now it's now coming to the end of my blog post, We say our goodbyes and as I leave the room you say...

10. Break a leg

Charming...



Thank you for taking the time to read this list. I'd love to hear your stories about taking things literally. Perhaps you have some funny stories or experiences to share. Please feel free to comment and share this post.

Friday 17 October 2014

Fanatical about Fungi





‘Look! Look! LOOK!’ I shrieked at my friend Marq. ‘A Clathrus Ruber!’, ‘LOOK!’

I hopped around excitably while pointing at a mass of red mushroom emerging from the undergrowth like an alien egg. Flies buzzed in the putrid miasma emitting from this strange form.

What we had stumbled upon on our quiet walk was a rare fungus not often seen in the UK. This startling form emits a smell of rotting flesh to attract flies to disperse it’s spores. I was VERY excited. Marq just looked at me and said ‘wonderful’ as every true friend should say in this situation. The expression on his face however suggested he felt this was rather less than wonderful. Still my enthusiasm wasn’t curbed and my interest in fungi had been truly reignited.

This interest dates back to early childhood. Like most children on the spectrum I developed intense and obsessive interests. Questions often pop up on the forums from parents asking how they can get their child to be less obsessive and develop more mainstream interests; my parents just went along with it. I had been developing a slightly odd interest in drain pipes, probably because the book I was currently reading involved a boogy-man who lived in the sewers. The upgrade of my attentions from sewers to fungi was probably gladly welcomed.

It all started one late summer afternoon when I found a group of brightly coloured mushrooms growing near my Grandma’s house. Being at the ‘what’s that?’ age my dad decided to buy me an identification book so I could figure out for myself what they were. The book was vast, hundreds of pages filled with pictures of fungi, listing their Latin names and various identification details ranging from size, habitat, spore colour and shape to technical biological and chemical factors.

If you are not wanting to promote an obsession in an autistic child – DON’T buy them a scientific manual at the age of 5!  I quickly decided that I needed to find ALL of the fungi.

My long suffering parents took an approach to my interests that I only fully appreciate now I’m an adult – they got involved and made it a family and fun time. The interest in fungi allowed for some great walks out in the forest; Dad trailing behind as I bounced about through the undergrowth. We had art sessions involving taking spore prints and sculpting play-dough fungi, and forming some great memories. It’s clear looking back that my rigidity as a child could be loosened if there was a link to what ever interests I had at the time and if I could see a point to it. I remember my mum wanting to go to a Country House for a day trip. I was more than happy, I’d been told there were gardens that might contain fungi! I have very fond memories of the trips and adventures we got up to as a family.

I quickly learned how to identify my finds and was able to identify many of the tasty edibles and know which to avoid. I was never overly concerned about eating my finds, I actually don’t like the taste of mushrooms at all and the regular shop-style mushrooms are ones I always found fairly dull (they are just plain looking white things after all) but a clear memory I have was being told not to touch one as it was poisonous. I was rather aghast by this clear ignorance of my expert knowledge and proceeded to educate this ignoramus of the clear difference between this Agaricus Bisporus and it’s poisonous cousin the Agaricus Xanthodermus. This was my teacher and I was 7….

As an adult I’ve learned to tone things down and my interest is reserved for occasional walks in the forest. I regularly get people bringing their finds to me at work to find if it’s a tasty treat. Often it’s not, but it’s still a great ice breaker and makes some interesting coffee time chat.

One of the species I’d longed to see as a child was the Common Earthstar. Starting life like the well known puffball, this round fungus emerges and quickly cracks open into a star shape. The arms of the star fold down and majestically lift the spore-bearing ball away from the ground. It was so different looking that I circled it in the book with my crayon and spent the next 25 years searching for one. Despite being supposedly common it stayed hidden from my sight.

Last weekend I decided to have an old fashioned Father-Son day out in the woods to mark the start of this year’s fungus season. We chose Crab Wood, one of our regular spots as a child. To our amazement the first find of the day was the earthstar we’d spend all these years searching for. Sitting proudly in clear sight by the main path, there she was in all her glory, welcoming us to the woods and inviting us in for another fun day foraging.


I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about my story. I’d love to hear your stories of how you enjoy your interests or your child’s interests. I’d especially love to hear from you if you’ve found a way of combining your interests with employment.


Friday 3 October 2014

10 Steps to Independence


Mum, can you do my ironing for me please?’

I put the phone down feeling frustrated and annoyed again that I’m still having to make these calls despite being in my 30s. I’d always assumed that by my 30s I’d be living a fully independent life. This didn’t include asking my Mum to help me iron! The reality has been different; and although I can enjoy periods of time in self-sufficient tranquillity, there are also extended times where very basic tasks require the intervention and support of others. The pressures and strain that autism brings can become overwhelming and the feeling of loss of independence can become despairing and frustrating, so what can we do to stand on our own two feet and stay on top?

I’ve by no means got this sussed and it’s a continuous learning curve but in this week’s blog I wanted to share 10 approaches that have helped me maintain to live a fulfilling life so far. These are approaches that have worked well for me but as we are all different they may or may not be of use to you. I’d love to hear any tips or techniques that have helped you, please feel free to share your thoughts or questions in the comments or message me. I’ll expand on each one in future blogs.


1: Keep a Diary

If this list was limited to just one item it would be this, my diary. Visually seeing what I’m doing and when is the foundation to my independence. I use a colour coded system to help balance my time.

Red = Important appointments (work, medical appointments etc, these have fixed times that if I can’t make require me to lot someone know)

Orange = Chores (Housework, personal admin, shopping etc, these need to be done but don’t have a fixed time)

Green = Down time (Personal time to relax or unwind, hobbies etc)

Blue = Social time (time with friends, clubs or socialising)

Using colour I can immediately see if I’m doing too much and helps me plan my time.


2: Get to Know Yourself

‘But I do know myself!’ I hear you cry! Yes you do, but for me the start point in building any form of independence is to really understand and know myself. It’s all very well if my parents or friends can spot the signs that I am getting frustrated, angry, tired, but can I?

Developing a self awareness is an ongoing and lengthy process but one that has really helped me. Simply analysing situations after they’ve happened and learning to recognise the emotions and behaviours in advance is a great tool to have in managing things.

As an example I’ve learned that in the build up to a meltdown I feel tired, my attention ‘flickers’, I feel nauseous, My thought process becomes very pessimistic. Recognising these signs gives me a much larger head start in keeping myself safe and prepared.

Questions you could ask yourself are what makes you relaxed? What makes you angry? What time of day am I most alert?



3: Build a Support Network

For me independence doesn’t mean becoming a lone wolf, it means taking responsibility for knowing when and where to ask for help. Building a support network is key to this.

For many years I’d start to shutdown and just wildly cry out for help in any direction and just get frustrated. At the time I was a church-goer and the expectation was that someone / anyone there would step in. They didn’t, I’d get upset, the cycle would continue. A more structured approach was needed. I’ve created a list for this very purpose. It helps me to recognise who can appropriately help with certain tasks. A home care charity and my parents can step in and help with domestic tasks and cooking (back to the ironing, because of my sensory issues the hissing of the iron triggers meltdown, having a meltdown with a hot iron isn’t wise!), friends are identified who can provide accommodation and moral support etc.


4: Prioritise

It’s easy to become confused by the daily tasks required to live independently, piles of bills, housework, care and therapy regimes, cooking, shopping, something’s broken, laundry…..

When faced with too much information and detail my brain simply shuts down. It becomes important to prioritise and tackle one thing at a time. I use a to-do-list app on my phone but a list on paper or a whiteboard work just as well.

Identify what needs doing and decide what to tackle first. Perhaps someone you’ve identified in your support network can help with some of the tasks?


5: Balance Your Time

When faced with pressing chores and commitments it is easy to over work and burn out. I’m much more susceptible to catastrophic meltdowns and shutdowns when I’m tired or over busy so planning time to sit and rest is just as important as planning time to vacuum the lounge. Planning a good mix of productive time, social time and relaxing time is important. I use the visual diary (point 1) and priorities (point 4) to help and self awareness (point 2) helps guide me as to how much capacity I have.


6: Keep a Strict Budget

Being in control of my finances has been one of the most useful skills I’ve learned in helping maintain my independence. Although it would be nice to have millions I don’t and have to make do on a tight budget. To make sure I stay in the green as much as possible I use a spreadsheet to track my bills and expenses and carefully calculate the amount of money available each month.

A set amount is put aside to cover direct debits for bills (rent, water rates, electric etc)

For annual bills (TV licence, Insurances etc) I divide the figure by twelve and save up each month

For spending money I take a set amount out and use cash. This helps me see how much money is available instead of blindly spending on card. This way it is easier to decide whether that expensive sandwich for lunch or new PlayStation game is really affordable…



7: Practice and Learn Social Skills

Knowing I don’t come complete with the instinctive social abilities of my peers doesn’t remove my need to have them, nor does it excuse my lack of them. One thing that I do have is an ability to learn.

Observing the way others interact and communicate and then mimicking the styles and flows of the conversation helps me to learn and then naturally communicate. The internet is also a great tool to use. Typing searches like, ‘How to start a conversation’, ‘How to make friends’ etc brings up a wealth of information.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes and be persistent. Like all skills it takes time and patience. I found travelling to be a great way to meet new people and use practice my social skills. A few nights in a hostel brings a steady stream of new test subjects to experiment on and if it all goes wrong then who cares? I’m never going to see them again and just being foreign excuses me of any faux-pas I make.

If the first night I am too forward and talk too much at people, putting them off then the second night I can try calming down and using a different approach.

At home try your skills at the supermarket, cafĂ©, anywhere really. It’s not always easy or comfortable but seek out opportunities to engage in conversation. The more you do it the more natural it becomes.


8: Use Flowcharts and Scripts

I’m very visual and flowcharts work well for me. If I can change the format of information to help me out then I will. Creating quick help guides can be a real asset when I’m beginning to struggle. For example simple flow charts or pictorial guides to show me how to prepare a simple meal, clean the kitchen, manage my medication etc can help me manage myself when I have a meltdown or shutdown. More complicated tasks like maintaining the car or arranging an insurance can be templated out so I can self guide myself through these rather than having to get help in.

Scripts are important as when I start to go through meltdown or shutdown cycles I fast loose the ability to speak coherently or become virtually non verbal. Simple scripts I can send by text or email can be used in situations like letting my boss know I need a day off work or letting my support worker know I need help.

I can also use scripts to help prompt me with how to appropriately make, change or cancel plans.

Have a think about what you struggle to communicate, perhaps a scripted response or flowchart may help you?


9: Keep a Journal or Blog

One of the biggest challenges I find in being able to focus and be productive is the incessant noise and thoughts in my head. Having autism makes it hard to process and filter information, I find one way that helps me do this is to write it down. This can be by brainstorming or journaling, on paper or on computer, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s out of my head. Not everyone finds this helpful but for me I find this therapeutic. As a quirk I was so conscious to keep my random scribbling private I write them in Cyrillic. This in turn acts as a great pub trick to break the ice when meeting new friends, ‘Here’s your name in Russian…’ I say while writing it down on a coaster.


10: Stay Flexible, Learn and Adapt

Finally we come back to a bit more self analysis. Rigidity and inflexibility come hand in hand with autism but this is something that I work hard to break.

As I try an new system, approach or technique I try and regularly adapt and reflect on if it’s working for me and if it can be improved.

As I develop and improve myself; so do the systems. The visual diary started as an A4 week per page, I then found A5 day per page better for me. I used to benefit from lots of social time, now I prefer less. You might like the idea of trying a visual diary for yourself but find it better to use a wall planner with sticky labels. It’s whatever works for you.

Don’t be afraid to try things, experiment, learn when things don’t work so well and learn from your successes.

Please feel free to share this post and add to your comments things you have found helpful.