Welcome to Steve’s Aspie Adventures

Whether you are reading this as a parent, carer, friend or are on the spectrum yourself, a warm welcome to the blog and I’d welcome your comments. I was diagnosed with an autism spectrum condition as a teenager. Throughout my life this has brought unique challenges, deep lows but also very happy times. I hope with this blog I can share some of my experiences, challenges and successes with you. My hope is that it can help along the way at breaking down some of the fears, misconceptions, stereotypes that come hand in hand with Autism by giving an insight into what it’s like as an individual living with the condition.

At times when I’m affected most by my condition life can grind to a halt, but that has given me a drive to experience all I can when I’m feeling well. Travel brings a new perspective on life and the experiences it brings have made my good days even better and given hope in my bad days. For me it’s a metaphorical middle finger to a life-long condition. In my other blog (Roaming Steve) I share some stories of my travel and adventures.

I hope you enjoy reading this blog. Feel free to share this with your friends if you've found it helpful. I'd love to hear your thoughts, any topics you'd like to read about and own experiences so please comment or message me.

Please note, that in all my blog entries I can only relay my personal experiences and perspective. It is important to remember that every single person on the spectrum is an individual with a different story to mine. I have no medical expertise or training and am writing to share my personal experiences only.

Friday, 13 March 2015

Daring to Defeat Depression

Over the last week I've been approached to write posts on a number of subjects, Communication Skills, Cures, Confidence, all of which I am very excited to share my thoughts on but not this week. I've had a terrible week. Actually I've had a terrible month! I've really wanted to try and highlight as many positive aspects of autism in my posts as I can, but this week I'm going a different direction. I got thinking about why I started this blog. I wanted to share MY experiences. Good, bad, whatever, just my experiences, this week they've been really appallingly bad, so this is what you get to read about today.

Depression and anxiety aren't exclusive to autism, and some on the spectrum don't suffer from this at all, but it is very often something people with autism face, I'm one of them. Depression is a tiring and frustrating beast to face. We rarely openly talk about it and it still today comes with stigma and fear attached. It occurred to me that I would feel at ease posting a blog about having a cold or flu, a broken bone or a migraine. Mental health concerns however somehow feel more personal and harder to talk about. Why should this be the case? I wanted to face the fear and talk to you about it right here in my blog this week.

I didn't know how to talk about or explain how I experience depression and anxiety so I simply wrote how I felt during one particularly bad night this week. It's not neat and tidy, grammatically concise or detailed. It doesn't need to be, it is simply how I felt. I want to give the full picture in my blog, both good and bad, so here we go.

            Autism can be relentless.....
            meltdowns rolls into meltdowns,
            my senses burning, my brain imploding ,
            this hurts.....
            I'm so tired,
            but I carry on,
            questions, decisions, guilt,
            why is it so hard to say I need help?
            and this hurts....
            You ask who's at fault?
            who's to blame?
            we talk about it, talking for hours,
            but this hurts.....
            the adrenalin flows and my insides burn,
            guts twisted in knots,
            head pounds,
            this hurts....
            You say it's my fault,
            that I'm weak,
            to man up,
            ....but this hurts..........
            I can take some meds,
            numb the senses,
            shut out the world,
            it still hurts......
            I see your pain,
            I see your frustration,
            I see the hurt I cause you,
            and it hurts....
            why am I so wrong,
            so bad,
            so selfish,
            to sometimes want this to all stop
            .....because it hurts?

            breathe in




            breath out

            and relax

            tomorrow will be a better day?

Tomorrow was a better day this time, but each day one person dies every 40 seconds because it wasn't a better day. Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50 in the UK, let's all play a part in reducing this statistic and talk about mental health. There is still a stigma about mental health issues that MUST be removed. Depression is a silent killer and is no more a choice than any physical illness so let's treat it the same and be open about it's affects and find a way forward together.

If you need to talk today or have concerns about someone you know then here are some phone numbers for you:

UKSamaritans 08457 90 90 90

Republic of Ireland: 1850 60 90 90

USA & CanadaNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

AustraliaLifelink Samaritans: 03 63 31 3355

For a larger list of countries visit http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html 


  1. Well said Steve. I also have been struggling with those thoughts again that keep me shut away in my house in fears and anxieties and condemnation. Feeling alive but never who I really think people see you as. Trying to fit the mould only to get more exhausted with the battle. So much knowledge but yet still in pieces wonder when u will be the whole person I were made to be.thanx for sharing.

  2. This resonates with me SO much this week. Well done for talking about it.

  3. Thanks for this mate, I can relate to this and big up to you for bringing up this subject!

  4. thanks for raising the subject, i , myself suffer this on a daily basis, i do not take medication but my family helps me a lot , i love your poem, i relate to it completely, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us xxx