Welcome to Steve’s Aspie Adventures



Whether you are reading this as a parent, carer, friend or are on the spectrum yourself, a warm welcome to the blog and I’d welcome your comments. I was diagnosed with an autism spectrum condition as a teenager. Throughout my life this has brought unique challenges, deep lows but also very happy times. I hope with this blog I can share some of my experiences, challenges and successes with you. My hope is that it can help along the way at breaking down some of the fears, misconceptions, stereotypes that come hand in hand with Autism by giving an insight into what it’s like as an individual living with the condition.

At times when I’m affected most by my condition life can grind to a halt, but that has given me a drive to experience all I can when I’m feeling well. Travel brings a new perspective on life and the experiences it brings have made my good days even better and given hope in my bad days. For me it’s a metaphorical middle finger to a life-long condition. In my other blog (Roaming Steve) I share some stories of my travel and adventures.

I hope you enjoy reading this blog. Feel free to share this with your friends if you've found it helpful. I'd love to hear your thoughts, any topics you'd like to read about and own experiences so please comment or message me.


Please note, that in all my blog entries I can only relay my personal experiences and perspective. It is important to remember that every single person on the spectrum is an individual with a different story to mine. I have no medical expertise or training and am writing to share my personal experiences only.


Monday 29 December 2014

Happy New Year

The New Year is fast approaching and as we say goodbye to 2014 many of us will be thinking of things we want to change or achieve for the year to come. If you are stuck for ideas on resolutions you can make that are fun and (at least likely) to be achievable, here is a list to inspire you.



Daily Photo Project

The idea of this resolution is simple, take one photo every day of the year. The photo can be of anything, something representing the day’s events, something mundane, something that interests you, it doesn’t matter but it must be taken that day. With phones cameras and digital cameras so readily available it is easy to do and a challenge I took on myself. I ended up carrying on for four years, but why? What was the point?

By making myself look for something to photograph each and every day I started to see the good in even the more lousy days. It gave me an appreciation and perspective on my life I would have not otherwise seen. Looking back over the albums it’s what had seemed as less memorable days that provided the most meaningful photos that wouldn’t have otherwise been taken – my family meeting for lunch, the first meal in my new home or the day my Dad rescued me when my car broke down. What memories will you capture?

Grow Your Own Vegetables

Spring will soon be coming so what better time to start planning a new gardening project for the year ahead. Growing your own vegetables is a great project for all the family. Whether you have a garden to dig over or just a window sill to grow herbs and chillies, there is something you could try.

Try New Foods

A lot of us have told ourselves which foods we should cut out of our diet, but how about the reverse? Instead of a list of banned items, how about challenging ourselves to try new foods this year? Perhaps try replacing one item on your shopping list for something new or get experimental with different cuisines and recipes.

This year I joined some friends in doing weekly shop in a Chinese supermarket. Certainly some of the items I tried won’t be on the menu again (dried squid and jellyfish…) but it certainly gave me more confidence to try new recipes and I can now cook up a mean stir-fry!

A Daily Good Deed

Wanting to do some good in the world is a common resolution to have and definitely a rewarding one, but for this resolution it’s not the one off big charitable event I’m talking about, it’s a bit closer to home. Is there something you can do today for the benefit of someone else? Perhaps you can spare some time to help someone, volunteer or even something as simple as giving someone a smile or reminding a loved one why they’re special to you. Is there something you can do today?

Spend More Time with Friends and Family

It’s so easy to loose touch with friends and family, like takes over and before we know it another year has passed. Why not take the opportunity now to put time aside in your brand new diary to spend time with those you care about. Even if you can’t arrange to meet up in person, perhaps you could proactively set time aside to phone or send an email.

Fulfil a Life Dream

Is there something you’ve always dreamed of doing? Perhaps there’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit? Could this be the year you fulfil this dream? Even if it’s farfetched, why not make a start at making it happen? You never know where it will lead.

Last year I fulfilled a dream of driving Route 66 across the USA. Admittedly I had to compromise a bit and trade the Cadillac for a budget hatchback and posh hotels for cheap motels, but it was an experience of a lifetime and something I’m so pleased I did while I had the opportunity.



I hope this list has inspired you to try something new in the next year, and whatever the New Year brings, I hope it is full of fun and happiness.

Saturday 13 December 2014

Coping With Christmas

Coping With Christmas
 
The holiday season is upon us and it’s time again to take part in fun filled festivities, eat turkey, fill our houses with lights and decorations and eagerly listen for the sound of sleigh bells announcing the arrival of Santa with exciting presents. Family and friends gather and share joy and happiness to one and all and we make our way to the atmospheric carol service where we celebrate in the Christian heritage of this wonderful time of year. The lights and commotion all get too much, the noise is deafening, the chores and pressure to all encompassing and all routine is destroyed…

The excitement and expectations of a perfect Christmas can be a challenge for those affected by autism. For me there are parts of the holiday season I really love, but others that are a minefield. So what can we do to make Christmas ho ho ho, rather than ho ho NO!?

In this post I’d like to share with you a few strategies I have found helpful. I hope that if you or your child struggles over Christmas then you might find some of these helpful and enjoy reading this post. You may have tips that you have found helpful to you that I’ve not thought of so please feel welcome to add these to the comments section.

Make a plan

Regardless of how or if we celebrate Christmas ourselves, it is likely that it will have an impact on our usual routines. Work schedules are likely to change (in my case my office closes for a whole two weeks), schools break, shops have different opening hours, clubs and support networks often break. As someone who lives by my routines this is challenging so I try and plan ahead as much as possible.

What is key for me is plotting out what is happening and when in a format that’s very easy to see. I use a page per day diary but in the past have used a wall chart. Whatever works best for you is fine as we all have our own ways of making sense of information.

Being able to clearly see where my commitments are in advance helps me to adjust to changes in routine over the holidays.

Set a budget

Christmas is an expensive time. Everything from stocking up the fridge with goodies, buying presents for loved ones, travelling to see family, parties and social commitments can send the budget sky-high.

It is a good idea to set a clear budget before wild spending on credit. How much do you want to spend on each person’s presents etc, can you afford to attend both of the Christmas parties you’ve been invited to? Planning ahead can save the stressful and expensive bill from arriving come the New Year.

Make your OWN traditions

It is often easy to get weighed down with following what you think you ‘should’ be doing over Christmas. Just because you ‘always’ go to that Christmas market doesn’t mean you ‘have to’ do it. Christmas can work around you and your needs and it is fun making your own traditions tailored to you. Get creative and think of little things you can do that might make the season all the more fun and personal for you and your family.

Growing up we had some great little traditions in our household. My favourite was on Christmas Eve. I had a Christmas Pillowcase that needed to be left on my bed for the elves to collect. I’d take great care decorating it and leave it out ready. Without fail it would vanish and in the morning it would have reappeared in the lounge filled with presents. I knew from an early age that it was most likely my parents removing the pillow case, but they insisted they wouldn’t confess to anything until I was 18. Each year my attempts to catch them in the act got more and more elaborate, but they always managed to remove the case without me catching them. This game of cat and mouse actually served a really good role at distracting me and keeping me occupied while mum set about the laborious task of preparing the meal for the following day and getting the house ready for visitors.

What traditions do you have?





Make decorating an event

As someone who doesn’t like change, returning home to find a random tree in the lounge would be a bit much for me! In our house decorating was a family event. We would all be involved in placing the decorations and I often spent time making decorations for the tree. This involvement helped me adjust to the changes and helped build excitement rather than fear of the commotion of the season.

My favourite activity was always building the gingerbread house and nativity scene we would place in the shrank. It had a full set of sugar figurines. Every year I pleaded with mum to let me eat one. I was never allowed, but they had been in use since the 70s so may not have been that tasty!

Get some exercise

With the cold days and long dark nights it can be very easy to spend the whole holiday wrapped up warm inside. I always find it helpful to get exercise and importantly, fresh air. Perhaps you can head out on a walk around the neighbourhood to see the Christmas lights, go hunting for pine cones to get crafty and turn into decorations or avoid the traffic by walking to the shops.

Set aside a quiet sanctuary

With all the noise and excitement I find it very helpful to set aside a quiet place to escape to if it all gets too much. Being able to take a time out from the celebrations to relax and recharge can help so much and is something I’d recommend to anyone.

Know your socialising limits

Christmas is one of the times of the year when the much sought after social invites come in thick and fast. Work Christmas Parties, Family Gatherings, Clubs Christmas Socials…

It is easy to say yes to everything and for me I can get overwhelmed faster than I realise. I try and set limits to how much I engage in these parties. So often I can get carried along with the flow and find I’ve over done it and I’m at capacity. There is a fine line between having a great evening and becoming exhausted and having a bad time. Know your limits and hopefully you’ll have a great time.

Take time to get back into routines after Christmas
 
Whatever your feelings about Christmas, It’s all over fast and everything returns to normal. If there have been major disruptions to your routine it’s good to return to your usual routine as smoothly as possible. Try and plan ahead if you can. For example if you need to get up for work or school early then give yourself a few fays to readjust rather than suddenly switching your wake up call from 11am to 7am.



I hope you've found this of interest. I'd love to hear what you enjoy most about Christmas and how you overcome the challenges you may find with this time of year. Feel free to let me know via the comments or Facebook. Merry Christmas to you all!

Thursday 27 November 2014

Thoughts This Thanksgiving

Like most of my fellow Brits, Thanksgiving comes and goes each November with barely anyone even being aware of the feasts and celebrations happening over the great Atlantic Ocean. It is just another wet and drizzly November day, like all the others. This year I decided to take part myself, but first I better find out what it’s all about…

My knowledge of Thanksgiving is it involves giving thanks and food, lots of food. Turkey, marshmallows, sweet potatoes, marshmallows, pumpkin pie and more marshmallows. According to a quick check on Google, this appears to be accurate. Food is definitely something that I can definitely get involved in but it was the ‘giving thanks’ part that particularly interested me. This got me thinking about what I’m thankful for, so this week I’ll be dedicating my post to my wonderful parents.


My parents are always there for me and I don’t take the time to thank them for all they do for me anywhere near enough. They have always been my biggest supporters, advocates, inspiration and friends. They are the first on the scene when things go wrong and get the brunt of the worst days. I know what a strain and challenge this must be for them and although at the time it might not seem so, I hope they know how much I really appreciate them for all they do.

The last few months have been particularly difficult. A severe dip in my health and a number of troubling bureaucratic hurdles blocking access to support have resulted in me needing to move home to be able to access better support. Mum and Dad have stepped in and helped the best they can to make the move run smoothly. As I type away Dad is down at the hospital trying to get a follow-up appointment arranged following a rather nasty episode last week. When even getting a hospital appointment is as unnecessarily stressful and complicated as it is, their help has been a lifesaver.

Aside from the support when things aren’t going so well I wanted to mention something that my parents have always done that as a child I never fully appreciated but for which I’m particularly thankful for – encouraging my hobbies and interests. They didn’t just show an interest in what I was into at the time, but they’d get involved themselves. This helped me achieve so much, build my confidence a create so many happy memories.

I’ve talked in previous posts about my interest in fungi. I will always have fond memories of walks in the forest with my dad searching for a rare find together, or crawling through the undergrowth to get the best photo. When I developed an interest in travel there was always an opportunity to travel somewhere new together. I can always say I conquered all of the compass points of the UK with my dad. Travelling all the way to Muckle Flugga, the UK’s northernmost outpost was great fun for me, but to share it with my dad made is so much more special. Mum has an amazing creative side to her and this was always an opportunity for some family bonding too. Growing up there was always something to do, from baking, building dens with sofa cushions to lego towers reaching the ceiling. There was always something creative to get involved in.


So this Thanksgiving I think it is a perfect time to say thank you for being the most caring, generous and wonderful parents anyone could ask for.


I hope you enjoyed reading this post and I’d love to hear from you about what you are doing for thanksgiving and share your stories.
The day my parents wanted to try on a new pair of shoes...




well I guess it was easier to join in rather than get me to sit normally...
During my 'world domination' phase...
This didn't last long, and I'm not sure Simon Cowell would have been impressed...


I guess building a sandcastle on a pebble beach in February was never going to be a winner... although the red boot / balaclava combo definitely is - bravo on the style choice mum & dad!
Loving life with my spacehopper - the best form of transport ever invented!


So as not to feel left out, here is the whole family with my amazing sisters. (I'm the bald dribbly one in the middle)
















Friday 14 November 2014

My Aspie Moments - A Photo journal of some of my more 'autistic' moments

I take a lot of photos, I enjoy capturing the memories and moments of life and it is great to look back and remember some of the fun adventures had. Back in 2009 I started a New Year's project to take a photo each day, something interesting or significant about the day to remember it by. It struck me that it was the uneventful and routine days that brought back the fondest memories, times with friends and family but also capturing some of my 'autistic' traits. I would like to share some of these with you in this week's blog. Perhaps you can relate to some of these, perhaps this is a new insight for you but either way I do hope you enjoy this week's delve into some of my aspie moments...

You often feel left outside of social groups...



When you're overloaded your words come out in a random order...



But you'll find good friends who accept your quirks...



And when you're with them you know how to have a good time...



There is always an escape route planned in case things get too much when going out socialising...



You get used to spending time with yourself...




Sometimes you just need time alone to take in the world...



And that's fine because being alone is great!...



Sometimes life can feel precarious...



You can't always read the warning signs when things are going wrong in your life...



The world can seem scary and full of danger...



So you plan ahead and keep a routine...



You like things neat and in order...



When you want to unwind you always have the best reading materials at hand...



And know how to play the best games...



And at the end of the day you know that being autistic is awesome...




Friday 31 October 2014

10 Phrases that mean something very different to aspies


It's not a secret that I take things very literally. It's a common trait for us aspies to not understand when something is

meant to be taken seriously or is just a saying, and this can create some confusion. What might be just a simple request or statement can lead me to blankly staring at you with a quizzical expression on my face or partaking in some rather bizarre behaviour. But why? We've got our wonderfully quirky and bizarre language to thank for that! Have you ever stopped and thought about how random some of our everyday sayings are? This week I've compiled a list of the 10 sayings that mean something very different to my literal way of thinking. So lets get started, make yourself comfortable and...

1. Take a seat...

Take it where? Why would you want me to take a seat, is that not stealing? Oh, I guess that you want me to be seated so I'll sit down. That's when you say...

2. You alright?

Why wouldn't I be alright? Ah yes this is just a greeting, umm what's the correct response....'you alright mate?' - of course, silly me, but I'd still like to answer your random greeting-question and actually tell you if I'm alright. You try and make things better by saying...

3. Every cloud has a silver lining...

Well no they don't. Clouds aren't known for their silver content, you never tend to hear weather forecasts warning of low pressure systems bringing in heavy silver accumulation, turning to gold at high altitude. That would certainly make jewellery cheaper. Speaking of the weather it is raining hard today. Yes you say...

3. It's raining cats and dogs....

No, it's definitely not. It's raining water. How are you mistaking that wet stuff out there to be furry pets? It's not unheard of for there to be isolated fish or frog showers but not cats and dogs. Do you need to 'take a seat' as you say, I think you might be hallucinating. You don't seem impressed with my observations and tell me to...

6. Put a sock in it...

Put a sock in what? What purpose will putting my socks anywhere other than on my feet have exactly? I guess I better take my socks off and wait for further instructions. You seem exasperated and tell me to stop wasting time and...

4. Pull your socks up...

Whoa, now you just told me to put my socks in something and now you're cross because you want me to pull them up? Seriously dude, what's your fascination with my socks? As I put them back on you notice how great they look ( I have fabulous socks!) and compliment them by saying that they're...

7. The bees knees...

No, they're not. There is no comparison between bees knees and anything other than bees knees. How my fantastic socks (or indeed anything else) could be described as being 'the bees knees' is beyond me. Knees aren't even a bee's best feature. I'd go for their bright colours or efficient pollen collection ability. Why then is it OK for you to compare my splendid socks with bees knees but I'd be the odd one if I say 'hey Jimmy I think your new phone is as great as a bees pollen collection ability!' Actually this is what I might start to say from now on. You laugh and say I'm...

8. taking the piss...

Right so lets use my powers of deduction here, by 'taking the seat' you meant 'sit down' so by 'taking the piss' you want me to sit in the..... oh..... Yeurgh. WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT?!

No! you say, it means you were being silly; you put me right about this one fast and tell me to...

9. Lighten up...

You saying I'm fat.... well I guess I could do with getting a bit lighter, I have been eating a lot of cakes recently. No? That's not what you meant, Perhaps you want the room to 'lighten up' I'll turn on the lamp. Anyway now it's now coming to the end of my blog post, We say our goodbyes and as I leave the room you say...

10. Break a leg

Charming...



Thank you for taking the time to read this list. I'd love to hear your stories about taking things literally. Perhaps you have some funny stories or experiences to share. Please feel free to comment and share this post.

Friday 17 October 2014

Fanatical about Fungi





‘Look! Look! LOOK!’ I shrieked at my friend Marq. ‘A Clathrus Ruber!’, ‘LOOK!’

I hopped around excitably while pointing at a mass of red mushroom emerging from the undergrowth like an alien egg. Flies buzzed in the putrid miasma emitting from this strange form.

What we had stumbled upon on our quiet walk was a rare fungus not often seen in the UK. This startling form emits a smell of rotting flesh to attract flies to disperse it’s spores. I was VERY excited. Marq just looked at me and said ‘wonderful’ as every true friend should say in this situation. The expression on his face however suggested he felt this was rather less than wonderful. Still my enthusiasm wasn’t curbed and my interest in fungi had been truly reignited.

This interest dates back to early childhood. Like most children on the spectrum I developed intense and obsessive interests. Questions often pop up on the forums from parents asking how they can get their child to be less obsessive and develop more mainstream interests; my parents just went along with it. I had been developing a slightly odd interest in drain pipes, probably because the book I was currently reading involved a boogy-man who lived in the sewers. The upgrade of my attentions from sewers to fungi was probably gladly welcomed.

It all started one late summer afternoon when I found a group of brightly coloured mushrooms growing near my Grandma’s house. Being at the ‘what’s that?’ age my dad decided to buy me an identification book so I could figure out for myself what they were. The book was vast, hundreds of pages filled with pictures of fungi, listing their Latin names and various identification details ranging from size, habitat, spore colour and shape to technical biological and chemical factors.

If you are not wanting to promote an obsession in an autistic child – DON’T buy them a scientific manual at the age of 5!  I quickly decided that I needed to find ALL of the fungi.

My long suffering parents took an approach to my interests that I only fully appreciate now I’m an adult – they got involved and made it a family and fun time. The interest in fungi allowed for some great walks out in the forest; Dad trailing behind as I bounced about through the undergrowth. We had art sessions involving taking spore prints and sculpting play-dough fungi, and forming some great memories. It’s clear looking back that my rigidity as a child could be loosened if there was a link to what ever interests I had at the time and if I could see a point to it. I remember my mum wanting to go to a Country House for a day trip. I was more than happy, I’d been told there were gardens that might contain fungi! I have very fond memories of the trips and adventures we got up to as a family.

I quickly learned how to identify my finds and was able to identify many of the tasty edibles and know which to avoid. I was never overly concerned about eating my finds, I actually don’t like the taste of mushrooms at all and the regular shop-style mushrooms are ones I always found fairly dull (they are just plain looking white things after all) but a clear memory I have was being told not to touch one as it was poisonous. I was rather aghast by this clear ignorance of my expert knowledge and proceeded to educate this ignoramus of the clear difference between this Agaricus Bisporus and it’s poisonous cousin the Agaricus Xanthodermus. This was my teacher and I was 7….

As an adult I’ve learned to tone things down and my interest is reserved for occasional walks in the forest. I regularly get people bringing their finds to me at work to find if it’s a tasty treat. Often it’s not, but it’s still a great ice breaker and makes some interesting coffee time chat.

One of the species I’d longed to see as a child was the Common Earthstar. Starting life like the well known puffball, this round fungus emerges and quickly cracks open into a star shape. The arms of the star fold down and majestically lift the spore-bearing ball away from the ground. It was so different looking that I circled it in the book with my crayon and spent the next 25 years searching for one. Despite being supposedly common it stayed hidden from my sight.

Last weekend I decided to have an old fashioned Father-Son day out in the woods to mark the start of this year’s fungus season. We chose Crab Wood, one of our regular spots as a child. To our amazement the first find of the day was the earthstar we’d spend all these years searching for. Sitting proudly in clear sight by the main path, there she was in all her glory, welcoming us to the woods and inviting us in for another fun day foraging.


I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about my story. I’d love to hear your stories of how you enjoy your interests or your child’s interests. I’d especially love to hear from you if you’ve found a way of combining your interests with employment.


Friday 3 October 2014

10 Steps to Independence


Mum, can you do my ironing for me please?’

I put the phone down feeling frustrated and annoyed again that I’m still having to make these calls despite being in my 30s. I’d always assumed that by my 30s I’d be living a fully independent life. This didn’t include asking my Mum to help me iron! The reality has been different; and although I can enjoy periods of time in self-sufficient tranquillity, there are also extended times where very basic tasks require the intervention and support of others. The pressures and strain that autism brings can become overwhelming and the feeling of loss of independence can become despairing and frustrating, so what can we do to stand on our own two feet and stay on top?

I’ve by no means got this sussed and it’s a continuous learning curve but in this week’s blog I wanted to share 10 approaches that have helped me maintain to live a fulfilling life so far. These are approaches that have worked well for me but as we are all different they may or may not be of use to you. I’d love to hear any tips or techniques that have helped you, please feel free to share your thoughts or questions in the comments or message me. I’ll expand on each one in future blogs.


1: Keep a Diary

If this list was limited to just one item it would be this, my diary. Visually seeing what I’m doing and when is the foundation to my independence. I use a colour coded system to help balance my time.

Red = Important appointments (work, medical appointments etc, these have fixed times that if I can’t make require me to lot someone know)

Orange = Chores (Housework, personal admin, shopping etc, these need to be done but don’t have a fixed time)

Green = Down time (Personal time to relax or unwind, hobbies etc)

Blue = Social time (time with friends, clubs or socialising)

Using colour I can immediately see if I’m doing too much and helps me plan my time.


2: Get to Know Yourself

‘But I do know myself!’ I hear you cry! Yes you do, but for me the start point in building any form of independence is to really understand and know myself. It’s all very well if my parents or friends can spot the signs that I am getting frustrated, angry, tired, but can I?

Developing a self awareness is an ongoing and lengthy process but one that has really helped me. Simply analysing situations after they’ve happened and learning to recognise the emotions and behaviours in advance is a great tool to have in managing things.

As an example I’ve learned that in the build up to a meltdown I feel tired, my attention ‘flickers’, I feel nauseous, My thought process becomes very pessimistic. Recognising these signs gives me a much larger head start in keeping myself safe and prepared.

Questions you could ask yourself are what makes you relaxed? What makes you angry? What time of day am I most alert?



3: Build a Support Network

For me independence doesn’t mean becoming a lone wolf, it means taking responsibility for knowing when and where to ask for help. Building a support network is key to this.

For many years I’d start to shutdown and just wildly cry out for help in any direction and just get frustrated. At the time I was a church-goer and the expectation was that someone / anyone there would step in. They didn’t, I’d get upset, the cycle would continue. A more structured approach was needed. I’ve created a list for this very purpose. It helps me to recognise who can appropriately help with certain tasks. A home care charity and my parents can step in and help with domestic tasks and cooking (back to the ironing, because of my sensory issues the hissing of the iron triggers meltdown, having a meltdown with a hot iron isn’t wise!), friends are identified who can provide accommodation and moral support etc.


4: Prioritise

It’s easy to become confused by the daily tasks required to live independently, piles of bills, housework, care and therapy regimes, cooking, shopping, something’s broken, laundry…..

When faced with too much information and detail my brain simply shuts down. It becomes important to prioritise and tackle one thing at a time. I use a to-do-list app on my phone but a list on paper or a whiteboard work just as well.

Identify what needs doing and decide what to tackle first. Perhaps someone you’ve identified in your support network can help with some of the tasks?


5: Balance Your Time

When faced with pressing chores and commitments it is easy to over work and burn out. I’m much more susceptible to catastrophic meltdowns and shutdowns when I’m tired or over busy so planning time to sit and rest is just as important as planning time to vacuum the lounge. Planning a good mix of productive time, social time and relaxing time is important. I use the visual diary (point 1) and priorities (point 4) to help and self awareness (point 2) helps guide me as to how much capacity I have.


6: Keep a Strict Budget

Being in control of my finances has been one of the most useful skills I’ve learned in helping maintain my independence. Although it would be nice to have millions I don’t and have to make do on a tight budget. To make sure I stay in the green as much as possible I use a spreadsheet to track my bills and expenses and carefully calculate the amount of money available each month.

A set amount is put aside to cover direct debits for bills (rent, water rates, electric etc)

For annual bills (TV licence, Insurances etc) I divide the figure by twelve and save up each month

For spending money I take a set amount out and use cash. This helps me see how much money is available instead of blindly spending on card. This way it is easier to decide whether that expensive sandwich for lunch or new PlayStation game is really affordable…



7: Practice and Learn Social Skills

Knowing I don’t come complete with the instinctive social abilities of my peers doesn’t remove my need to have them, nor does it excuse my lack of them. One thing that I do have is an ability to learn.

Observing the way others interact and communicate and then mimicking the styles and flows of the conversation helps me to learn and then naturally communicate. The internet is also a great tool to use. Typing searches like, ‘How to start a conversation’, ‘How to make friends’ etc brings up a wealth of information.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes and be persistent. Like all skills it takes time and patience. I found travelling to be a great way to meet new people and use practice my social skills. A few nights in a hostel brings a steady stream of new test subjects to experiment on and if it all goes wrong then who cares? I’m never going to see them again and just being foreign excuses me of any faux-pas I make.

If the first night I am too forward and talk too much at people, putting them off then the second night I can try calming down and using a different approach.

At home try your skills at the supermarket, cafĂ©, anywhere really. It’s not always easy or comfortable but seek out opportunities to engage in conversation. The more you do it the more natural it becomes.


8: Use Flowcharts and Scripts

I’m very visual and flowcharts work well for me. If I can change the format of information to help me out then I will. Creating quick help guides can be a real asset when I’m beginning to struggle. For example simple flow charts or pictorial guides to show me how to prepare a simple meal, clean the kitchen, manage my medication etc can help me manage myself when I have a meltdown or shutdown. More complicated tasks like maintaining the car or arranging an insurance can be templated out so I can self guide myself through these rather than having to get help in.

Scripts are important as when I start to go through meltdown or shutdown cycles I fast loose the ability to speak coherently or become virtually non verbal. Simple scripts I can send by text or email can be used in situations like letting my boss know I need a day off work or letting my support worker know I need help.

I can also use scripts to help prompt me with how to appropriately make, change or cancel plans.

Have a think about what you struggle to communicate, perhaps a scripted response or flowchart may help you?


9: Keep a Journal or Blog

One of the biggest challenges I find in being able to focus and be productive is the incessant noise and thoughts in my head. Having autism makes it hard to process and filter information, I find one way that helps me do this is to write it down. This can be by brainstorming or journaling, on paper or on computer, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s out of my head. Not everyone finds this helpful but for me I find this therapeutic. As a quirk I was so conscious to keep my random scribbling private I write them in Cyrillic. This in turn acts as a great pub trick to break the ice when meeting new friends, ‘Here’s your name in Russian…’ I say while writing it down on a coaster.


10: Stay Flexible, Learn and Adapt

Finally we come back to a bit more self analysis. Rigidity and inflexibility come hand in hand with autism but this is something that I work hard to break.

As I try an new system, approach or technique I try and regularly adapt and reflect on if it’s working for me and if it can be improved.

As I develop and improve myself; so do the systems. The visual diary started as an A4 week per page, I then found A5 day per page better for me. I used to benefit from lots of social time, now I prefer less. You might like the idea of trying a visual diary for yourself but find it better to use a wall planner with sticky labels. It’s whatever works for you.

Don’t be afraid to try things, experiment, learn when things don’t work so well and learn from your successes.

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